Happy 61st Birthday to Me (in Celsius I’m 16!)

 Ovidia--every other Tuesday

I’m sorry this isn’t going to be a very erudite post—I’m turning 61 today and I’ve got a whole lot of notes and edits to go through because our live theatres are re-opening and suddenly I'm have the luxury of 5 people onstage instead of one poor soul carrying a monologue!!!

I don’t think it was intended as a Birthday present but I’m taking it as one anyway. This best ‘present’ I’m getting is that today—26 April—Singapore goes from Dorscon orange to Dorscon Yellow!

(Dorscon = Disease Outbreak Response System Condition level, which currently indicates our Covid situation)

We’ve been at Dorscon orange since Feb 7, 2020--which is a long long time! Weddings, funerals, live shows and classes can resume, but since I’m not planning any of these events at the moment, what is particularly Great for me because I can go for yoga and tap dancing classes without a mask! 

Yes—I’ve found a yoga shala where I’ll be attending mysore classes and I’ve signed up for a beginners tap dancing class. It’s part of deciding to dedicate my 60’s to learning and exploring stuff I’m interested in, as far as I’m able to.

Back in my actual teenage years I had the idea that doing badly would shame the teachers/ coaches/ parents being paid or paying to make me learn. It didn’t feel right to ‘waste’ time on things like drawing, dancing, bugs etc. 

But now no one’s telling me to ‘grow up’ and I’m really enjoying allowing myself to be a beginner again. 

I really love that I’ve found teachers who aren’t afraid to let me learn at my own pace, surrounded by more advanced students who are inspirational just by existing and doing what they do. 

The other great present is I learned a couple of days back that my latest book got on the longlist for the CWA historical dagger. Oh frabjous day and all that!

I'm torn between saying just getting on the list is great and hoping hoping hoping I'll make it onto the shortlist!

(Yes, I know it's not why we write. But this would be such a cherry on top of such a cake!)

But I'll have to wait and see. Patience is one of the things I still haven't mastered.

I used to think it funny I don’t feel much older inside than I ever did. I always assumed that one day I would feel adult/mature/old and put away childish things… but it hasn’t happened yet.

Talking to a friend—

(the great thing about old friends is they grow old along with you if you're lucky--and I've been very very lucky. Even better that I'm realising is when they evolve alongside you from string cheese to raclette and from prawn crackers to oysters!) 

—we came to the conclusion that growing up/ growing older is all about adding layers of experience on the outside of our lives, but the selves at the heart of all those ageing rings are the same inside. And as long as we still have the people and things we connected to as children, our child self that remains inside us comes out whenever we connect with them.

So maybe it has less to do with age than with losing our grandparents and parents and others from their generation. Because maybe once they are gone and there’s no one left who remembers you as a toddler, as a child, that’s when that toddler and child start to fade and vanish.

But it isn’t all as hopeless as that. That’s why we write, isn’t it? Our own stories as well as the stories shared with us by people we love or loathe or can’t quite figure out. Because as long their stories live, the part of us that connects with them does too.

Thank you for being here and being part of my story and my life.