Tuesday, August 30, 2022

Why Does The Plumber Step On my Bathmat? And Other Existential Questions


I’ve learned to put the mat away (Image: Shutterstock) 

The other existential questions

  1. How do my keys disappear just when I’m in a hurry to leave home? Oh, there they are. Thank you, Rover.
  2. Why does toast always fall on the buttered side?
  3. Why does my phone never ring except when I leave it in another room?
  4. Why can I never get the Captcha thingy right the first time?

  5. For the love of God, who invented the Captcha where you have to select chimneys/cars/motorcycles/traffic lights/tractors/mountains?

  6. Why does the neighbor's dog start to bark incessantly just as I drift off to sleep?
  7. How is it I'm penalized for a credit card payment one day late, but a refund takes 7-10 days?
  8. Why does my computer crash just when I finish the first draft?

  9. Why is Facebook such a hot mess?
  10. Why does New York have so many fire hydrants that you can't park?
  11. Why do I forget the name of a well-known actor the instant I need to remember it?
Editorial credit: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

12. Why do white people tan? It's too late for that.
13. Why do drivers tailgate in jammed traffic? No one's going anywhere.
14. Why do people say about rain, "Wow, it's really coming down!"? What was the alternative?
15. Why do Los Angelenos use, "Traffic was really bad today" as an excuse for being late?

I know there are many, many more. What are some of yours? I'd love to hear.

*The Body In The Well Beside Me continues next week.*



  1. Why does the queue I join always move more slowly than all the others? (In fact the answer to this one and your second one is that they are corollaries of Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong will.)

    1. That’s a good one. I once heard a mathematician give a mathematical explanation of the “queue illusion.” I didn’t understand a word. I think there’s some maths for the butter-side toast phenomenon 😆

  2. Why is the dish I need always at the bottom of the stack on the drying rack?

  3. Why is the thing I am desperately trying to find ALWAYS in the tenth and last possible place I might look. From AA

    1. Even worse is when you discover you missed the lost item in a place you looked before.

    2. Too true. I always thought that was my being a ditz. But I KNOW you are NOT a ditz. You just improved my self-image. 🙏🤭

  4. Oh, and the answer to 7 is easy, the greed of bankers. Also AA

  5. Why can I never remember things I need to remember, but can remember everything else?

    Why is 95% of everything crap when it would be so much nicer the other way around?