Monday, October 8, 2018

An Antidote to the Current Depressing News

Annamaria on Monday

I cannot bear to watch the news on television,  but I do keep up with it.  I know what has been happening in the world and particularly in the USA of late.  I just can't bring myself to see it on the screen or to dwell on it - for fear of apoplexy.  Ordinarily, I glean what I need to know from newspapers and the radio and then bury my head in the fictional past - writing it, reading it, and watching films and TV shows that serve it up.  For you today, I am serving up headlines aimed at eliciting glee, instead of the dread so many of us are feeling these days.    

A number of years ago, my students in a technical writing class gave me a gift: one of those little books that you used to be able find at the cash registers of bookstores, when there were bookstores.  Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim was published by the Columbia Journalism Review and documented hilarious headlines, mostly from local newspapers, back in the day when there were local newspapers.   I share of few of them today.  Many are about crimes or crime fighters; some only sound that way.  All are real headlines that ran in actual newspapers:

Beating Witness Provides Names 

Youngstown Police On Duty Getting Smaller

Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests

Man Robs, Then Kills Himself

SCSC Graduates Blind Senior Citizen

Robber Holds Up Albert’s Hosiery

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Police Can’t Stop Gambling

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Police Kill Man With Ax

Police Union to Seek Blinding Arbitration

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

Bishop Defrocks Gay Priest

Chester Morrill, 92, Was Fed Secretary


  1. Fantastic headlines. What a delight to see humor amidst the horror.
    We better all be ready to respond to SCOTUS attacks on the rights of millions. And guess what? Susan Collins can't be counted on.

    1. Kathy, I'm glad I was able to give you a giggle.

      Sometimes I think the main difference between us and their other side its hat they are willing to hold their noses and vote to win. Our side seems to demand candidates that merit canonization, or they stay home. I am praying that in the contested districts they Dems will bring up and beat their drums about gun control. It is easy to get people--even the anti-abortion voters and the anti- immigration voters to agree on that topic. We need to woo them with things that we want AND they want. And stop trying to turn them into progressives by shouting at them and calling the people they support names. Little by little we can moved them our way. Especially the young who desperately want gun control.

  2. Those headlines give me laughs. Current headlines give me headaches.

    Thanks, sis.

    1. Laughing out loud cures a headache. It does for me any way. We can't make the current situation go away by wringing our hands. We need to work hard. And try to have a little fun along the way. No?

  3. You still occasionally still see them in newspaper headlines. Also in student exam papers...

  4. Your headlines are funny. Current headlines are a nightmare. I hope to awaken very soon...

  5. Yes, Michael. And I have, from time to time, had auto-correct write one for me. In The Blasphemers, I wrote "Mme. Gillet would lay on a full English breakfast." Auto correct wanted me to say "Mme. Gillet would lie on a full English breakfast." Wearing what? I wondered.

  6. EvKa, Rome survived Caligula. We will live through this.