M - PENITENT is my latest book, available in all
good bookshops, and some crap ones too. It’s been longlisted for the McIlvanney
Prize, as has fellow author Douglas ‘Douglas’
Skelton. It’s the first time I’ve been longlisted. I wrote the book as 'the big idea' I had about it
wouldn’t go away, which is a secret room in a flat. Why is there a secret
room, and who is in it? But I can’t tell you as it’s a secret, so I wrote the book instead. As to whether it’s
any good, I think it can only be described as a seminal work in the canon of
European literary history, and up there with ‘The Big Book of Lesbian Horse
Stories’
(A Surkiss, 2003) and ‘How to Avoid Huge Ships’ (J.W. Trimmer, 1992).
Mr Neil Broadfoot, likes to throw his characters off the top of Scottish landmarks.
N I’ve
just finished the edit on Unmarked Graves, my sixth (!) Connor Fraser book,
which is out later this year. Honestly, I wrote it because I’ve
got a contract to deliver a book a year, so it’s lucky that I got the idea for this
one, which started with the thought of dumping a body in Airthrey Loch on the
Stirling University campus. When I realised I probably couldn’t
do this personally, with Skelton ( fellow Scottish author) as the victim, I fictionalised it, and came up
with a web of political intrigue, violence and secrets dating back decades. Is
it any good – not a question to ever ask a writer who’s just finished an edit, I’m
way too close to it, but it’s got all the usual elements folk have come to expect from a Connor
Fraser novel.
Gordon Brown- his lovely, very intelligent wife is really good at literary trivia.
Him? He disappeared to the bar!
G – No More Games is my latest book, and I’ve just stopped working on the sequel to answer these questions – I’m easily distracted. ‘No More Games’ is set in 1974, on the south side of Glasgow – a time of power cuts, three-day weeks and inflation – not far off what we went through this winter. It stars a young lad called Ginger Bannerman who, with his friend Milky, falls foul of a local gang lord and has to grow up fast to save himself, his friend and his family. Think ‘Stand By Me’ set in Glasgow. As to whether it’s any good or not – all I can say is that it’s the best reviewed book I’ve ever written. Can't say much more than that.
Douglas Skelton. Behind bars...where he should be
D I have two latest books, because unlike these
others slackers I graft. ‘A Thief’s Justice’ is the second in my historical
mystery/thriller/adventure/spy novels (I do try to cover all the bases)
featuring Jonas Flynt. I wrote it because it’s part of a series and you can’t
have series if you don’t write the books. To be serious, I wanted to have Jonas
investigate a murder. The first book, ‘An Honourable Thief’ had crime - did I
mention it’s been longlisted for the McIlvanney Award? - but it was also an
adventure. This one is a mystery with a possible miscarriage of justice at its
heart. As for it being any good, I’m in no position to say (of course it is).
Did I mention I’ve been longlisted for the McIlvanney Award?
The other, coming very soon, is ‘Children of the
Mist’, the fifth Rebecca Connolly novel. It’s also part of a series, so see
above as to why I wrote it. Again seriously, I wanted to set a Rebecca in the
Kinloch Rannoch area of Perthshire because I love the place. But is it good?
That’s up to the readers to decide, he said with humility beaming from his
face. Can humility beam? I must ponder that.
Are there any exploding nuns in the book? If
not, why not?
M - There
is an exploding nun, but it takes place just out of scene. When my main
character, Hector Lawless, is standing on the Royal Mile, having just been
caught by CCTV, there is a muffled thud to his right. This is the unfortunate
demise of Sister Ophelia ‘Bomber’
Cantaloupes, who had just clenched her pipe bomb
between her teeth, which was already overstuffed with top grade shag, when a
gentleman tried to light it for her. Her mission to bomb St Giles Cathedral and
start a Holy War will have to be postponed until after the Edinburgh Fringe
Festival, as it’ll look too much like all the other no good street acts.
N No, but there is an exploding university
professor, if that helps? I wouldn’t dream of using an exploding nun, that’s Mark’s schtick and he does it very, very
well. Now an exploding crime writer, that I could work with. Must tap Skelton
again for some research….
G I think there is a woman in the street in my
book, at one point, who may be an off-duty nun and passes wind violently – does
that count? The thought raises a serious point – I promise it’s
my only serious point. Memorable scenes – such as an exploding nun. I love
memorable scenes in a book. Those Tarantino moments when the world around seems
to vanish, when the characters lose themselves in the moment. There’s a
scene in No More Games, while Ginger and Milky are lying on a garage roof,
watching a baddy when the conversation turns to how easy, or hard it would be,
to become an astronaut. Having not a clue as to what’s required I just had fun imagining
what kids think is involved, and vanished from the plot line for a few pages.
D I have no exploding nuns. I have no nuns in
danger of imminent combustibility. In fact, I have no nuns. There’s nun of this
and nun of that. After a conversation with Anna Mazzola and DV Bishop at last
year’s Bloody Scotland, I realised that I am deficient in the number of clergy
in my books because I find that when authors put nuns, or monks, they can’t
stop. It becomes habit forming. I’ll get my cassock and leave now.
What do you favour as an instrument of mass
destruction? – Avalanche?
Monkeys?
M – I’d start a TikTok craze where you can cook a sausage between your
teeth in seconds by sticking a pair of scissors into an electrical socket. That
should thin them out a bit.
N Badly played bagpipes. That skirling, off-key
shriek is enough to drive anyone homicidal. Other than that, the current Tory
government seems to have been quite an effective weapon of mass destruction if
the COVID inquiry hearings are anything to go by.
G I’d favour using the Hypno-Toad from Futurama. A world-wide broadcast
with the toad hypnotising the planet, sending a simple message – ‘End
It All’. Of course I’d be wearing a blindfold and ear defenders, and I’ve
had pre warned all my close friends and family in advance. That way we get to
inherit the earth – and, of course, I’d become supreme leader.
D I’d suggest forcing people to read Neil
Broadfoot’s books but that would be far too cruel.
Do you wear a tea cozy of inspiration when you
write? Do you have favourite writing socks? A favourite jumper? A truss?
M – I’m a bit boring, really, nothing special, just the usual six foot
tall tartan stovepipe hat, grass skirt, Victorian nipple tassels and screaming.
N I’m
too traumatised by Mark’s answer to provide my own. I’m off to find a good therapist
G Comfortable. That’s the word I use. Whatever is
comfortable. From naked to my favourite Pudsey costume – if I feel relaxed in
it then that works. This can have its downsides. Writing in the buff, in a
Pret-A- Manger in Canary Wharf is not recommended. I can vouch for this – I’m
currently asking the nice police officer if I can just have five more minutes
to finish typing before he arrests me.
D I favour a vintage nautical blue peacoat (although
I’ve yet to find the blue pea) with brass buttons, a pair of rough trousers
(their foul language comes in handy while writing), Turkish slippers (they’re a
delight), a cravat, pince nez and a long cigarette holder for long cigarettes.
Occasionally I do wear the tea cosy of inspiration because I am its carer but
mostly I don a Nepalese velvet smoking hat, although I’ve never seen it smoke
any velvet yet.
If you were thinking of the top 5 of writers who would be
number 2? ( I’m
number 1 obviously.)
M – Spike Milligan. His war memoirs are my
desert island books.
N Craig Russell. A sublime writer and a good
guy. He wrote a scene in a book called The Third Testament that is so immersive
it gives the reader dementia for the duration of the scene. Powerful,
terrifying and moving.
G Stephen King. I fall out of love with him
every so often but unlike other writers, I always trip head over heels back
into his arms. As I’m known to say – read his book, ‘On Writing’, if you want to know how
to write.
D Whilst taking issue that you would be number
1, I would have to plump for Ed McBain. There are probably better writers out
there but he’s the one who influenced me the most.
So there you go. That's what us Scottish crime writers have to deal with, imagine putting up with that on stage. Live. No wonder we are so good at thinking about killing people.....
Part 2 next week! Bet you can wait. I suspect everybody who reads the blog will be too busy next Friday.