A Guest Parody by Marc Anthony: Friends, Russians, and Countrymen

 

Jeff--Saturday

 

I don’t know how many of you realize that William Shakespeare lived his entire life in the shadow of plague.  For further details check out this terrific article in the New Yorker by Stephen Greenblatt.  As for the Bard’s thoughts on the rulers of his time, read his plays.

 

He remains a force to be reckoned with, so who am I to resist a chance to surmise his take on today’s American politics. I can’t say he wrote this, though something about it is strangely familiar, but whoever did obviously believes now is the time to speak out. So, with apologies to Marc Anthony (the original version), here goes:

Marc Anthony

 

Friends, Russians, countrymen, hold back your jeers;

I come to fathom Caesar, not to braise him.

The evil that men do enriches them;

The good is scoffed, much as bankrupt loans;

As have we seen with Caesar. His choice of nobles

Hath shown you Caesar is capricious:

Viewing power a glory to exploit,

And gloriously hath Caesar used it.

Along with likes of Bannon and the rest–

The imprisoned and not yet convicted;

All viewed by Caesar as honourable men–

Until he sees them as funereal.

We need leaders, faithful and just to US:

And what of those who call him pernicious;

Many honourable men and women.

Plus, the many children caged on borders

Whose parents sought a better life for them:

Did this in Caesar seem nigh righteous?

When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath slept:

Governance should be made of caring stuff:

Yet so many cling to Caesar as solicitous;

Among them many an honourable man.

We watch and hear how on the nightly news

They bow when he suggests a kingly crown,

Which he would not refuse: was this sedition?

Or deflection from a plague so vicious;

Dismissed by him as it is what it is.

I speak now to disapprove what he spoke,

And seek the answer I’ve so longed to know.

Many did vote him once, some without cause:

What cause still drives them then, to yearn for him?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin with our nation,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

 

 

 

And for you classists, here’s the original version, from Julius Caesar, Act 3, Scene 2.

 

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus

Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–

For Brutus is an honourable man;

So are they all, all honourable men–

Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.

He was my friend, faithful and just to me:

But Brutus says he was ambitious;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

He hath brought many captives home to Rome

Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:

Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?

When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

You all did see that on the Lupercal

I thrice presented him a kingly crown,

Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;

And, sure, he is an honourable man.

I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did love him once, not without cause:

What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

 

–Jeff