I saw something this week in The New York Times that made me
think. As opposed to cry, gnash my
teeth, or curse the night.
It was about hand gestures of the Italians. There are hundreds they say, many coming via ancient
Greeks who’d settled in southern Italy—which should come as no surprise to fans
of such historic classics as the Aeneid
and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Having been raised in an Italian neighborhood in Pittsburgh
and now living in Greece, I clicked on the newspaper’s accompanying
video, looking forward to a meaningful trip down memory lane. Nice piece for the uninitiated, but virtually
useless for anyone trying to follow the actual guts of a colorful, down home conversation
among the locals. It’s like wearing a
pin-stripe suit to a (non-Yankee) baseball game and expecting to fit in with
the fans in the bleachers.
Even if you don’t understand the language, knowing a few of
the more, shall we say, earthy hand gestures will enrich your understanding of
the people and possibly alert you to some situations (and people) you should
avoid.
For example, if you happen to see two Greek men waving at
each other, hands extended straight out from their shoulders, it’s not a
“Howdy, my friend, how you doing?” moment.
Nor do I suggest adopting the gesture as a quaint way of saying “hello”
to Greeks.
So, as a public service for those seeking a less Politically
Correct report than the Times’ coverage
on local gestures, here are my top five or so obscene Greek gestures…as illustrated
by my capable ancient Greek assistant, an A(n)donis in his own right.
Let’s start with the “waving hand” gesture I just mentioned.
It even has a name, the moutza. You’ll
quite often see it serve as the precursor to a road rage incident when flashed
by the victim of one of Greece’s finer driver’s incomprehensible decisions,
such as passing a car in the face of on-coming traffic only to cut back in line
barely inches from the soon to be moutza flashing
other driver’s front bumper, running a stop sign, turning without warning, or
otherwise demonstrating that the common sense rules of the road don’t apply to
that driver.
The moutza is the
classic, non-verbal Greek method of expressing that you are the dumbest S.O.B.
to walk the earth…or have done an award winning stupid act.
And for the really
stupid (acts and people), there’s the double
moutza, though that’s rarely
expressed in a driving situation except by a driver deserving of the double
moutza himself… or herself. For, yes,
even women are known to flash the moutza
on occasion.
Another gesture, one rarely expressed by a woman, is the
one-handed chop in the direction of your own genital area or, if really
incensed, a two-handed chop. I say
rarely by a woman because the dialog accompanying the act generally includes a
reference “to my balls,” and is meant to convey, “I don’t give a damn about
your opinion. Don’t waste my time with nonsense.”
There is a unisex version available for those so
inclined. It’s a one- or two-handed chop
in the direction of the bottom of your shoes accompanied by a phrase roughly
meaning “I write your words on the bottom of my old shoes because they’re so
meaningless.”
Hmmm, bet you’re still wondering why the “All the news
that’s fit to print” folks didn’t take their story in this direction.
To continue. You’ll
often see in modern Greece the “up yours” sign of one hand clasping the inside
of the bent other arm at the elbow, or the middle finger salute, but purest Greeks
regard them as coarser gestures corruptive of the classic Greek. “Up yours is
Italian,” said my expert, and “this” flashing me the finger “is now part of
America’s political culture” despite its Greco-Roman origins.
For the really hard-core classic Greek gesture equivalent to
our revered middle finger, my friend demonstrated the time honored…drum
roll…open handed, bent middle finger.
 |
| Jim Croce (1943-1973) |
A CLOSING WORD OF CAUTION.
Though many of these gestures are exchanged among friends in a teasing,
playful way, the indiscriminate use of them can be hazardous to one’s
health. To paraphrase Jim Croce’s great
lyric, “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, and you
don’t flash the finger at the old Lone Ranger unless you want to end up
skinned.”
Jeff—Saturday
