Why Does The Plumber Step On my Bathmat? And Other Existential Questions

 Wed--Kwei

I’ve learned to put the mat away (Image: Shutterstock) 

The other existential questions

1. How do my keys disappear just when I’m in a hurry to leave home? Oh, there they are. Thank you, Rover.
   Puppy Dog GIFfrom Puppy GIFs
2. Why does toast always fall on the buttered side?
3. Why does my phone never ring except when I leave it in another room?
4. Why can I never get the Captcha thingy right the first time?

5. For the love of God, who invented the Captcha where you have to select chimneys/cars/motorcycles/traffic lights/tractors/mountains?

6. Why does the neighbor's dog start to bark incessantly just as I drift off to sleep?
7. How is it I'm penalized for a credit card payment one day late, but a refund takes 7-10 days?
8. Why does my computer crash just when I finish the first draft?

9. Why is Facebook such a hot mess?
10. Why does New York have so many fire hydrants that you can't park?
11. Why do I forget the name of a well-known actor the instant I need to remember it?

Editorial credit: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

12. Why do white people tan? It's too late for that.

13. Why do drivers tailgate in jammed traffic? No one's going anywhere.

14. Why do people say about rain, "Wow, it's really coming down!"? What was the alternative?

15. Why do Los Angelenos use, "Traffic was really bad today" as an excuse for being late?

I know there are many, many more. What are some of yours? I'd love to hear.

*The Body In The Well Beside Me continues next week.*

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