Third degree Burns... again!

 This is a reposting of a blog that has been reposted.

Robbie as he may have looked like

Is that a record of some sorts?

And part of it is rebooted from my very first month of blogging on this site, when Jeff was a boy, we were writing in Latin and zoom meant to go fast.

It was all about Burns night and the reply for the the lassies. 

"I wonder how the reply for the lassies goes now- does it steer clear for political correctness? Or go for the testosterone jugular. I hope you enjoy it second / third time around.

Warning: This blog contains extremely sexist material. It is supposed to.

Burns; a man who live for writing and women

It was my great honour (translate that as terrified!) to give the Reply for the Lassies at a very prestigious Burns Supper last Friday. I had been asked as a crime writing female, not as a Burns aficionado but they have very high standards and expectations. When I say I was at the top table sitting next to the President of the World Burns Federation, you can gauge the magnitude of the gig. And my trepidation.

The Immortal Memory is the serious bit. The Toast to the Lassies is a speech by a man with a  humorous take on womankind and all its marvellousness. Which as I said in my speech is easy as there is lots about woman that is marvellous.

 

I then get on my feet to reply, for 12 ½ minutes. The Reply for the Lassies is generally by a female, trying to find some thing nice to say about men.

Nowadays, it is good natured sexism with a little booing (against), table thumping (for). I must add, many drinki poohs had been consumed by this point.

Both the minister and myself got standing ovations, but I, as woman tend to do, got the last word.

                                                    

                                                            As you know by now this is a Benbecula haggis, farmed.

                                                            All the legs are the same length!

 So I went  back to the original  inspiration- the man himself.

 Robert Burns had taste, he loved women.  In fact, without us, he would not have written a single word.  He said, “I never had the least thought nor inclination of turning poet until I got heartily in love then rhyme and song became the spontaneous language of my heart.” Which is interesting because I never had the least thought nor inclination of turning crime writer until I got heartily in love then murder and bloodshed  became the spontaneous language of my heart.

             

My joke =                                      

Looking round my friend's path lab, I commented on the difference between two brains in specimen jars. One was large and healthy looking, one small and shrivelled. The notation showed they were the same age. The pathologist explained that the male brain was the bigger. It looked that good because it had never been used. And Burns agreed  “Mither nature…her prentice hand she tried on man and then she made the lasses, O’”.

                                             

 

Burns, as you know is held by most sociologists as a huge believer in womens' rights. You can take that with a pinch of salt as a sociologist is a man who goes to a strip joint and watches the audience.  But there are some famous words that show what Burns felt about the rights of the fairer sex -

 

While Europe’s eye is fix’d on mighty things,

The fate of Empires and the fall of Kings;

While quacks of State must each produce his plan,

And even children lisp the Rights of Man;

Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,

The Rights of Woman merit some attention..

And then of course is the Selkirk Grace and the eating of the haggis - vegans and veggies were catered for.

Selkirk Grace

Some hae meat and canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it;

But we hae meat, and we can eat,

Sae let the Lord be thankitt

The meal consists of cock a leekie soup, haggis, (it was traditional to pour whisky over it but now it comes in a whisky sauce), neeps (turnips all mashed up), tatties, (potatoes all mashed up),  steak pie and cranachan for dessert. (See killer cookbook  recipe!!)

There are weird folk who say that the haggis derives from those Vikings again, on a long boat, killing beasties and shoving their waste entrails in the stomach of another dead beast to eat later. These people are obviously English. And should be ignored!

If I can get all David Attenborough for a minute, the haggis eaten at Burns suppers is now farmed.  The wild haggis (Haggis Scoticis) is still found in the Highlands, usually well above the treeline. It has been well recorded by Darwin among others that it has legs on one side of the body longer than those on the other, so that it can run around the bens without falling over. The Hebridean Haggis has been tracked by its DNA to be the oldest species.  The Benbeculan Haggis is the breed that the haggis farms use as it has legs all the same length.  This is because Benbecula is as flat as a billiard table."

Have a great weekend folks!

Cheers

Caro