Saturday, December 26, 2020

A Mystery Writer's Night Before Christmas...as told on Boxing Day.


Jeff—Saturday
 

Whenever I think of Christmas, I think of traditions.  This year I have an additional memory to treasure, for in two days Barbara and I celebrate our FIRST wedding anniversary.  Wow, how time flies when you're isolated with no one but your spouse for ten months of your first year of marriage. Some wags might say that would likely make it the last year. Au contraire.  It's been blissful, at least for husband. Wife tells me she agrees. Whew.

To all of you from the many different corners of our world who so kindly follow us on MIE, the very best of the Holiday Season, no matter how you may choose to celebrate the time.  As I’m blessed to be part of the MIE family I have a little tradition I like to sneak in here during the holiday season.  It’s something I composed for my Christmas Eve post a few years back and whether or not you’d like seeing it again, it’s a tradition so we’re stuck with it…though updated to include the new members of our MIE family. I take great pleasure in brutally fracturing the classic poem, “Twas the Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore or Henry Livingston—history is still not sure who wrote it, so apologies to both. 

Livingston
Moore


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a laptop was stirring, nor even a mouse.
The reviews were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that new readers would soon find them there.

The critics were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of best-seller danced in my head.
And DorothyL in her wimsey, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for the hiatus nap.

When out on the Net there arose such a chatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the keyboard I flew like a flash,
Tore open the browser and dove in with a splash.

The glow on the screen cast like new-fallen snow,
A lustre of brilliance onto writing so-so.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the sight of a blog with ten writers so dear.

With a little bold driver so quick with a thrill,
I knew in a moment he hailed from Brazil.
More rapid than eBooks their creations they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now, Kubu! now, Aimee! now, Charlie and Emma!
On, Vera! On, Justin! on, Hiro and Rei!
To the top of the Times! to the top of them all!
Now Anderson, slash away! slash away pall!”

As wry thoughts, that before the final deadline fly,
When they meet with an obstacle soar to the sky.
So off to their blog-posts these non-courtiers flew,
With a sleigh full of ploys, and opinions not few.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw not from aloof,
The prancing and gnawing of hard comments and spoof
Taking aim at some points so to bring them to ground,
Brought on by hard thinkers from near and far ‘round.

The writers were dressed from each head to each foot
In bold clothes that were tarnished with gashes well put.
A bundle of ARCs each had flung on its back,
They looked like kind peddlers bringing books to a rack.

Their eyes—how they twinkled! Their dimples how merry!
Their cheeks like Jeff Bezos’s, their noses like sherry!
One’s droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
‘Til his bottle of bourbon fell out on the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
Threw up smoke of the kind to fire scotch from the heath.
He had a broad face that would fill up the telly,
And as he reached for his bottle mumbled, “Just jelly.”

Neither chubby nor plump, more like jolly and svelte,
I laughed when I saw him, ‘til his stare I felt.
But a wink of his eye and no twist to my head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

They all spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
And filled all the bookshelves, then turned with a jerk.
And crossing their fingers aside of their noses,
And giving great nods, passed around the Four Roses.

They kept all at play ‘til the ladies gave whistle,
Then each turned as one to read an epistle.  
And I heard them exclaim, ‘ere my charger lost might,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-fright!”

And, of course,“Kala Kristougenna.”


—Andreas Kaldis


 

10 comments:

  1. I love this every time you post it. Merry times and happy anniversary!!

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    1. Thanks for encouraging me to keep up at it, J&J. :) All the best to you guys. Xronia Polla.

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  2. Mares eat quotes and goats eat quotes, and photo-bombs are lively, the past tense of covid to you, and Drumphity, too.

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    1. EvKa, my friend, a bit of unsolicited advice: Don't ever give up your daze job. :)

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  3. Compliments and complements of the season to you and your Other Half, Jeff. Love the parody. Happy Anniversary and many more to come.

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    1. Thanks, Zoë, On behalf of each half of this (isolated) household assemblage, we thank you and wish you all the very best of the season and many, many seasons to come. Stay safexx

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  4. Happy Anniversary and Happy New Year to you both. I wish us all champagne this week and vaccines ASAP!! Let's celebrate SOON!

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    1. Thanks, Sis, I look forward to that day very, very SOON!!! Much love back at you. xx J&B

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  5. Jeff--you are an accomplished poet!

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    1. Thanks, Kwei. As my father would have said:

      I know it,
      My feet show it,
      They're Long Fellow.

      Happy Holiday and stay safe, Doc.

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