My scribbles today are inspired by Cara's post last week where she quoted the script of The Thin Man: "– in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
Those words brought to mind an old joke I like to tell. It goes like this:
The difference between heaven and hell:
In heaven, the English are the policemen, the French are cooks, the Germans are the engineers, the Swiss run the railroads, and the Italians are the lovers.
In hell, the English are the cooks, the Germans are the policemen, the French are the engineers, the Italians run the railroads, and the Swiss are the lovers.
Given the sad condition of the world and the sham people who purport to be running things, I began to wonder, who would I put in charge of making the planet a nicer place to dwell. I have concluded that the heaven of my joke is correct when it comes to...
...the Italians.
...and the Germans (especially their talent with automobiles!)
...and, with a few reservations (sorry Cara), the French should be the cooks.
However, when it comes to the police and the trains, I envision a better heaven.
My recent sojourn with Susan in her adopted country has convinced me that the Japanese should certainly run the railroads.
And from what I know of them, the Canadians should be the policemen.
I am also ready to nominate the Icelanders to run the banks. (They were the only ones on earth, after the 2008 financial debacle, to actually send the culpable bankers to jail!)
South Africans should be the ones to make peace after civil strife.
I nominate New Yorkers to take charge of avoiding civil strife through peaceful coexistence.
Many other pairings are possible. Weigh in, Folks. What endeavour would you place in the hands of what country? Remember, we are talking here about the populations, NOT the politicians.
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I'm with you on letting the Japanese run not only the trains, but all public transportation. (Any country where every employer accepts a note from the metro authority, issued any time a train is more than 5 minutes late, as an excuse for late arrival at work--and where such notes are actually prepared and issued if/when it occurs--is clearly doing something right when it comes to public transit.)
ReplyDeleteThat said, I suspect we also need the Japanese to give instructions (with New Yorkers largely exempt) on how to behave on public transportation, too. After another mad subway crush this morning (I had to travel at the hour when they literally push us into the train in numbers that sardines would find claustrophobic) I'm oh so glad that I live in a place where everyone bathes regularly and behaves politely on the trains.
Your are right, Susan, about the Japanese being in charge of all public transit. And about exempting New Yorkers.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, we would not need the pushers to fill up the crowded cars. New Yorkers are used to pushing in themselves and being pushed by one another. No one ever objects, except for the occasional crazy or parents with small children who are being crushed. We all ignore the crazies, whenever we encounter them (talking to canned tomatoes in the supermarket or to fire hydrants on the street,,,wherever). Typically with the crushed kid, when the mom or dad picks the child up, the pusher sees the little one and apoligizes. The cars sometimes get so packed, I sometimes think that maybe I will be taller and thinner when I get out of the train. But I haven’t ever been able to manage that beneficial effect.
In New York, the whole experience is much more anarchistic than in Japan, and I confess that I prefer it that way. For me it’s more interesting to be in a place where anything can happen and usually does. More like Italy under the Borgias, than a place that is always calm and predictable. Such serenity is I certainly lovely from time to time, though. I will say that for it.
Nigerians should run the churches. You should see what we've done with the good news.
ReplyDeleteI am seeing it in my Anglican Church. I have many Nigerian church members who are “on fire” for the Lord.
DeleteI want to see.Leye. Please tell me more.
ReplyDeleteYou'll have to wait for the next Amaka Thriller for that :-)
DeleteLeye, you need not tick up my impatience meter. It’s already in that red zone.
DeleteCan the Scots run the ministry of sarcasm. Or the weather.
ReplyDeleteCaro, How about the Minitry of Sacasm, Whiskey, and Defense Against the Weather?
DeleteI totally agree that the Canadians should be the police after all the Mounties always get their man.
ReplyDeleteCara, what other nationality could Dudley Do-Right have been!
DeleteI’m more interested in who gets to run the stockings.
ReplyDelete