Indeed; Me. Him. Jane Austin.
I am me ( as you should know my now). He is Pete Austin (
more about him later) , and the Jane Austin is not this one.
But a man.
He is the creation of the weird, wonderful and possibly
certifiable imagination of Pete Adams. He is a very well respected architect, I must
check out his buildings…
To give you a
flavour of the Pete Adams experience it is an experience but I have had counselling and I can talk about it now. Imagine Ustinov on the
Nile, playing Poirot as if he is the
quintessential Englishman. Pete wears a hat, I bet he has a striped blazer. He
probably understands cricket and can explain the rules. Pete probably drinks
Pimms. I bet he has a bow tie, hand
tied.
You get the picture..
So here he is…. To explain
about his love of ‘Austin.’
Ramsay; “DCI Jane Austin; him, me, and Kind Hearts and Martinets...”
Pete;– take your hat off.’
‘What’s the magic word?’
‘Please?’
Pete slopes his head, looking for a more fulsome reply. ‘Miss
Ramsay, I seek first to deteriorate your intonation thus relieving me of the
burden of assuming your iron, on a morning when my mood is elevated and my eyes
are brightened by exercise; in other words, what’s the magic word?’
‘Oh for heaven’s sake, Pete, if you would remove your hat I
would be most exceedingly obliged, and yes, my family they are well, pretty
please with brass knobs on.’
Pete removes his hat, ‘May I call you dearest lovely
Elizabeth?’
‘No’
I am the author of a series of novels called Kind Hearts and
Martinets; it is a trilogy in eight
books, all stand alone novels that have a continuing and developing thread of
conspiracy. My Publisher says they are crime thrillers that will make you
laugh, cry and think; ( Miss Ramsay said they reminded her of Tom Sharpe). She read the third, A Barrow
Boy’s Cadenza, as she moderated my panel at CrimeFest. And asked me to blog about my central character DCI Jane Austin.
I did try to explain
the character to Miss Ramsay but she is Scottish and they have a very short
attention span. She admitted she had never read a Jane Austin book in her life as she prefers a death in the
first five pages ( I have just started reading Rat Run and I am scared!!)
So DCI Jane Austin is an elderly, overweight, ugly and
disfigured, cockney barrow boy spiv, a Mr Malacopperism, who Det.
Superintendent Amanda Bruce believes has never solved a crime in his life.
I pointed out to Miss Ramsay that, although I may give the
appearance of being a hard nut, a manly sort,( she laughed ) I am in fact, a gentle
soul, and I am so proud to have written
a polite series of books, based in a polite police station, and is most
insistent that it is not a comedy of errors. If you thought that, you would be
prejudiced?
(OUCH said Ramsay having just got that joke!)
Ramsay ; So how did you develop Jack (nicknamed Jane) Austin?
Silence... ‘Pete? Jayziz Mary and Feckin’ Joseph, ‘Pete we would very much
appreciate it if you could expand on your character Jack Austin please.’ Silence... ‘Pretty please with brass Austen
injuns on top?’ - Yes that did the trick.
Well, dearest lovely Elizabeth, (sigh) I drifted into
writing crime thrillers primarily as I had this notion of a ‘polite’ police
station. I get riled at police TV; ‘You, my office, now!’ and ‘Shut it!’, and
my family get riled with me responding to the telly saying “Please” or ”What’s
the magic word then”. So I had this fanciful notion of a Jane Austen, Pride and
Prejudice police station, ‘Good morning, your family, they are well?’ The funny thing is that I heard from a Leeds
CID officer, and another retired officer from Braisingsteak (we think he means
Basingstoke), saying that I had the atmosphere of the police station about
right – and I just made it up! “Act dear boy, Act”, dear, dear Johnny Gielgud
said to Dustbin Hoffman, well I do that writing under my stairs.
I wanted Jane to have the ‘appearance’ of ineptitude, an air
of mystery, but in the end I made him an enema, ( Ramsay – he means enigma for
those of you who don’t have English as a first language and have just
translated that and got a fright at that) but, he is just a lovable dipstick,
supported by strong women and a gay priest, though on a good day you might
think Jane was an enigma. He is an intense socialist and frequently batters his
head against the Establishment, and thus, Kind Hearts and Martinets was born; a screwball crime thriller mystery
and conspiracy series (trilogy), which occasionally veers to the darker side of
life, melding difficult and tragic experiences and dark personal thoughts, with
the resilient humour and spirit that defines ordinary people. Peter Ustinov said, “Comedy is a funny way of being
serious”, and Kind Hearts tackles crime and social issues, right from wrong, in
a humorous way, intending to resonate with the ordinary man and woman in the
street. “I have little doubt…” readers
“…will be not only be entertained by your writing, moved by it, amused by it
and provoked to think by it ”, was probably the best compliment I have ever
had.
So, in this
trilogy in 8 books, each novel tackles elements of the Establishment in a macro
and micro sense, from the Lady of the Manor in Jack Austin’s street where he
lives, to the Government, and in Book 3, A Barrow Boy’s Cadenza, Jane Austin
and his crew of monkey spanner cops, face down the military, also in a macro
and micro sense. Book 1 Cause and effect, sets out the Cause for a series of
events happening (to be taken up in the subsequent books), and the Effects on
the vulnerable; in this novel it is social services and paedophiles. Book 2,
Irony in the Soul, drifts into a more pensive mood, examining the irony of
deeds both good and evil, whose God do you follow and what is the greater good?
( Ramsay; I will be questioning blog readers on this later
so hope you paid attention )
I self published his first 2 books and was then signed by
Urbane for books 3 and now 4 – Urbane will be reissuing books 1 and 2 in a few
months time. Book 4, due out 1st November is an adventure, Jane against Nazis,
terrorists, and, Napoleon...?
We will have to wait until next year for book 5, Merde and
Mandarins, which focuses on the Civil Service.
Book 6, The Duchess of Frisian Tun, is written as a stage set novel and focuses
right down to micro issues in the street where Jane lives; a study in English
Upper Middle class moirés and geography, a sort of Canterbury Tales where the
pilgrims go nowhere and written as a female pseudonym, Sue Narmi. ( Ramsay - I've heard of her, she's making all kinds of waves in crime fiction...)
Book 7, Rhubarb in
the Mammon rolls straight onto the
finale, ‘Umble Pie, which is a narrative written as a DNA spiral intertwining a
surreal and real storyline, loosely based upon Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring. When
you read this final book you will be able to reflect upon the whole 8 books of
the trilogy and see that, although you may have laughed in places, it is
possibly the surreal notions that offer up the best social solutions, and the
oft thought off the wall narratives, actually have some basis in reality.
I suppose we will have to wait and see.
Ramsay: I think..
Well done, have a wee sit down now..
Ramsay ; I think the comedy crime novel is very difficult to
pull off. Bateman does it well, So does another one of my guest bloggers
Douglas Skelton ( Dead Men Don’t Boogie).
I was reading The Barrow Boys Cadenza and having a larf as Pete would
say. Then a fifth of the way through somebody gets a bullet in the back, and
among the humour and bonhomie of the book- it was actually very shocking. But I
will never look at this picture below,
ever again without giggling.
Pete Adams Caro Ramsay Putting words in each other's mouths.
03 06 2016
Oy. I think I'm going to bed now, pretty please, with big brass knobs on it. My 'ead 'urts from trying to read this column. Sort of like trying to read Ulysses. But funnier. Oy.
ReplyDeleteGet yer loaf down Evrit and get some zzzzz's and see yers in Dublin so...
DeleteI think I best start drinking again and/or avoid the midday sun.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine you two doing that in your best Dick Van Dyke Bert The Chimney Sweep Cockney accent- me old muckers!
ReplyDeleteNormality MIE column will return next week once the meds have kicked in.
Oh, my, Caro. I feel as if I should read this backwards one sentence at a time to get all the jokes and puns. But I am afraid my meds don't cover such an eventuality. I am at my wit's end. Overdosed on wit!!
ReplyDeleteHe is very witty but you have to be fast or you miss it!. He should have a rewind button....
ReplyDeleteAre you rewinding me up? My son is home, he showed me how to post back but may be in his guise? Mr Muzzlemuff? not sure if I have done it right
DeletePS - I can tie my own bow tie, have many ties but sadly my striped blazer must have shrunk
ReplyDelete