Saturday, July 7, 2012

In Search of New Commandments

It’s a beautiful day on Mykonos. Finally no wind, calm seas, and temperatures downright frigid compared to what the continental US is enduring.  So, what am I doing today?  Writing my blog. Arghh.  I’m so angry with my parents.  They taught me that I must discharge my responsibilities before having fun.  Don’t get me wrong, I love writing my weekly blog. It’s a break from writing that new book—which I also love—but hey, it’s not the same as swimming in the sea, speargun in hand, searching out the perfect octopus for meze.

Besides, I don’t think the whole world is reading my blog.  Honest.  And I have proof.  Below is a YouTube film clip which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this contestant on the US television quiz show, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, would have found success, not shame, had she read my post, “The Gods Will be Back,” in which I discussed the god from which the race of all Greek gods derived.  (In case you can’t view the video clip, here is the link to paste in your browser

Why do I bother?  But I guess I shouldn’t get too upset.  Being ignored has strong historical precedent, and I’m not talking about Rodney Dangerfield…though he was covered in another post.

I mean let’s look at the facts.  The Greeks had Twelve Olympian Deities.  And Christianity had Twelve Apostles.  Twelve is a good number.  In fact, if there were Twelve Commandments instead of Ten, perhaps more would take them seriously.  Hmmm, maybe it’s not too late to add a couple. 

Nominations are now open.  To be honest, a frontrunner is “THOU SHALT NOT MISS ANY MURDER IS EVERYWHERE POST” but the final spot is wide open. 

Be creative, I’ll be back to judge the entries in a while…

Surf’s up.



  1. All I know about the number 12 is that makes up a dozen bagels! That's fine for me, gods and apostles notwithstanding!

    Yes, about that issue of carrying out responsibilities before having fun. I hope that doesn't apply to immersing oneself in crime fiction and letting all tasks and errands fall by the wayside. That seems to be an inherent right.

  2. Kathy, twelve also tends to turn up far too often when I'm just starting to have fun at a craps table...leaving me with barely enough to pay for the center of the bagel.

    As for dodging tasks to read crime fiction, I shall not cast the first stone at you. Oliver or otherwise.

  3. As someone we know and love is fond of saying, "Twelve Apostles, Twelve Steps. You do the math!"
    Happy spearfishing, Jeff!

  4. The Twelve Steps on Mykonos are paved with lost Klauses.

  5. To me being ignored is very comfortable. I love to read, and I love to write. But since I don't do either for a living (I'm retired), it doesn't bother me if few people read what I publish on my blog.

    Maybe my commandment might be--

    Thou shalt write first for thyself. If few other people or many other people read it, so be it.

  6. I like your style (and blog), Joe, but in my case the trouble is too many people know where I live...and they might come after the middle of the night...with pitchforks.

  7. In the ancient land of Sumeria, there was a goddess named Aight and her twin brother, the god Fourc. Being beings of greater... er... being, Aight and Fourc were different from your average, run-of-the-mill beings of lesser... um... being. Aight's breasts, large and round and firm, were arranged vertically, lined up between her chin and her belly-button. At sight of her vertically aligned nipples, her father (the greater god Str'Aight) commanded that great circles be tattooed in vivid rainbow colors around each breast (and, a little known fact, it's from this great goddess and her remarkable mammary glands that English derives the name of the number 8, but I digress).

    Fourc, Aight's brother, had normal run-of-the-mill nipples (they were fraternal twins, of course), but his male member was massive at the root, then divided into four more members, each with it's own head (which, as luck would have it, is from where English derives the name of the number 4, as well as the name of one of our eating utensils, but I digress once more). Being male as well, Fourc's father Str'Aight had no intention of inflicting any tatoos about his son's genitals. After all, he was Str'Aight, not the Marquis de Sade. Knowing that, given his unique physical... ah... attributes, Fourc would have difficulty entering into Congress with any normal run-of-the-mill women (even if he won the Latino vote), Str'Aight formed woman-shaped figures from his own feces and, using his littlest finger (being a great god, his other fingers were too large, of course) he created four vaginal openings between the figures legs, then with a great HUFF of godly exhalation, he breathed life into his figures, creating the race of creatures known in ancient Sumeria as the Siives (from which Enlgish, of course, derives the word for various kitchen tools for sifting small things from large things), and (continuing this sentence of epic length and compound phrases because that's what ancient religious texts require) the god Str'Aight gave the Siives to his son, telling him he could with them as he wished, as often as he wished, in as many ways as he wished, but that (and it is from this story that the less-ancient ancient Hebrews derived the Twelveth Commandment) under NO circumstances was he ever to Fourc-an-Aight.

    It's the god's truth, honest to Str'Aight.

  8. Great post, Jeff. You see, I do read your blog, and a few others, on top of writing and maintaining my blog, oh there is a book somewhere too - where do we find time to do it all? Perhaps a new commandment should be "Thou Shalt Not Waste Time on Writing Blogs", for me anyway :)

    Can we swap locations please, by the way?

  9. If I got you Str'Aigth, Everett, one definite non-title for your tale of whoa, would be "The Headless Hores'man."

    I'm honored at the time you spent in explaining the genesis of what is an utterly fascinating Twelfth Commandment, but to be perfectly honest, I'd be even more honored if you could slip into a plain brown envelope addressed to me on Mykonos a bit of whatever it was you ingested just before beginning to write what you did:).. TERRIFIC!

    Junying, any blog you write is NEVER a waste of time for your readers! And I won't swap, but am willing to share anytime.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, it's off to party on a Saturday night in Mykonos town with Fourc, Aight and Sexteen, all looking to Siives the moment.

  10. OK. two more commandments. 11.Keep Secrets. 12. Vote! (Democratic) These are the best two of a new set of 26 that I composed Last October.

  11. Go party, and play. It's a matter of balance. I'm semi-retired, and I still feel as though I have to do some work every day. I'm not exactly sure of the gist of Everett's Twelfth Commandment, but I would go with do unto other, as... well you know the rest. I'm too serious for your blog today, but I did laugh :) And I never miss any MIE post, so on that score, I may get to Heaven.

  12. Getting you to laugh, Lil, makes my day! Your loyalty to MIE is much appreciated on earth as it is in heaven.

    And Shrew of my almost home town for many years, from your mouth to God's ears.

  13. Thou shalt not miss any Murder is Everywhere post? *prays for his mortal soul*