Friday, March 10, 2017

Too busy to blog!

This has been a terrible week of very busy clinics,  nine stone Labradors running into walls, novel deadlines, border terriers doing backstroke badly,  events left right and centre - one  at a location kept secret  (to me at least, the audience knew where they were going) - and now the council are digging the road up right outside my writing room. 

I am wondering just how accurate AK47s are. Zoe?

So two snippets from my life...
In my incarceration, as an actress playing the part of Letitia Lovibody,  I have been known to don certain items of facial hair.  At first, I tried pencilling on a small moustache in a sort of Miss Marple kind of way but that idea kind of backfired when a woman in the audience was heard to say seriously ‘I think Carole has a bit of a problem with facial hair. She should see somebody about that.’ 

Then I thought I would really ramp it up, constructing a huge wart made of double sided sellotape, crushed corn flakes and cat hair.  This hairy wart went down a storm and there were calls for it to have its own website.  The play is called Carry on Sleuthing, Death on the Ocean Wave. 

I am punting Mr Skelton, our playwright, to do another, Carry on Sleuthing 2 - Worser Than Before.  I think Letitita is going to make a return performance in her Miss Marple mode.  Instead of her sidekick Sookie Humbug I think there should be a character called Tufty Littlebottom.  I think Witless for the Prosecution sounds a good title and you know I was talking about the marvellous book about domestic abuse written by Michael Malone I this very blog last week? Well here he is in all his glory dressed as the Irish ice sculpting champion hollering in the pigs during a hurricane, Miss Coleen O’Blarney. 

MIss Colleen O'Blarney

Detective Bumble Of The Yard..... He's a busy bee

What Captain Trusscott got up to in the clutches of Dame Petunia Uppercrust is anybody’s business.
  Michael, Petunia And Letitia.

Meanwhile back in sensible South Africa, the bold golfer boy has been playing his golf, although one round was interrupted as there was a leopard lying in one of the bunkers. 
I don't know what that means to Messers Trollip and Sears but to a Scot brought up on a Tv diet of Daktari and David Attenborough, it was terrifying. So the Scots ran away.

True to Jamie form, things have taken rather a comedy edge.  The northern European men were carrying some sort of tent round with them to hide in as on some parts of the course it was 42 degrees.  The coach of the mens’ team also had to take him to hospital as he was complaining of a sore throat.  I think the doctor peered down Jamie’s throat with some highly powered torch and said ‘ did you take a malaria tablet last night without a glass of water?’ and indeed Jamie had just popped it into his mouth and just fallen asleep resulting in it lodging in a bit of soft tissue it shouldn’t. And causing a huge amount of irritation.

Meanwhile out on the golf course it was the African Amateur Open.  He was playing his socks off, watching the scores roll in as they played thousands of  miles away was quite unnerving as he slowly moved up the leaderboard starting off his final round in fifth place.  Nobody in the house could sit still as the computer kept going bing as another score came in. 

He  finished third.

That has already sparked off a lot of changes to his playing schedule over the next two to three months.  The chances of him making the mens’ team, even although he is still a junior are now quite significant. The golf course here have given him honorary life membership (at 17!!).  Mizzou University went into some kind of Twitter meltdown and I was approached by two charities asking if he would come along and give them a speech but being seventeen you don’t get much more out of him than ‘doh’.
or Tut.

Or, 'Dad? you got any money on you?' 'Can you take me for a driving lesson?'

As you might notice from the scoreboard in the end the Scots out psyched the South Africans, no change there then.

Caro    10 03 2017


  1. Hurrah for Letitia and Littlebottom!! And a quintuple HURRAH for JAMIE!!

  2. It doesn't sound like he needs any driving lessons, so long as he doesn't hook it or slice it...

  3. I was wondering how Michael and Stan came up with such fantastic sartorial splendor for their photo headlining yesterday's post, and now I know: They used your makeup artist! How real their facial hair comes across.

    And speaking of coming across, I must say that when Jamie comes over this way to play in the US, he has the name and image to make himself an idol of the masses. And though here we have no leopards to add excitement to a round, there are alligators to contend with on some Florida courses, and though malaria pills are not necessary, he will have to take care in swallowing the irritating political climate appropriately.

  4. i know there are a lot of mozzies in Scotland, Caro, but i didn't realise you needed to take anti-malaria pills against them.

    i'm told that if you don't swallow a viagra tablet fast enough, you get a stiff neck ...

    and AK47s are plenty accurate enough against a slow-moving target like your average council workman ;-)

    1. Thank you, Zoe. I really needed to laugh out loud!!