FAKIN’ BAKIN'

Wed--Quartey 

Fakin’ baking’--vegans trying to get respect

I’m vegan--meaning no animal food sources of any kind--and my brother and nephews find my food items to be of considerable hilarity, referring to them as “fake bacon;" “fake meat;" “fake milk,” and so on. My friend Mike always says, “Why are you always trying to make plant stuff taste like animal stuff? What’s the point? Either embrace your defeat or eat the real thing.”

Some vegans are such for health reasons, although that's difficult to parse out without some kind of controlled studies because at the same time you’re switching to being vegan, you may adopt some improved health habits such as less sugary foods, since many, e.g. cakes, pies, candy, etc. may contain dairy products. At the same time, canola oil, which is not regarded very favorably, is seemingly everywhere in both plant and animal-based foods. So, you’re eliminating some things for the good but retaining some for the bad.

My reasons are for the (hopefully) healthy benefits, but much more importantly taking a moral stand about animal treatment. I’m not here to lecture anyone (I’m not that kind of vegan--you can eat whatever you please) but I’m revolted by the industrial food complex in which chickens are kept in appalling, cramped cubicles, and cows, pigs, chickens, and so on, are lined up on a conveyer belt and killed with a bolt through the skull. “They don’t feel it,” one might say, but does one actually know that? There must be a millisecond of pain. And if we’re repulsed by the idea of eating horses or dogs, for instance, why is it okay for cows? Even fish must feel some kind of anguish when captured. A fish in air is equivalent to a water-boarded human. 

Anyway, that’s a philosophical argument we can leave for now. What I really wanted to do was show you some snapshots of some of my vegan meals--some home-made, others pre-cooked.

Breakfast is my favorite meal, without a doubt. One of the most refreshing is avocado on toast. In this image there’s also an old faithful in the background, oatmeal (porridge) with oat milk. Avocado is rich with marvelous fats mono-, poly- and saturated fats in 70-15-15 proportions, approximately.

Funnily enough, when we lived in Ghana, we had avocado (picked from the tree in the backyard) on toast all the time, decades before it became a fad in the US. We would dash it with some good ol’ Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce, which gave it a nice kick.

If you want to go heavier and more traditional, the array of plant-based breakfast choices, is surprisingly wide. This was my breakfast this morning:

                            

That’s sausage, prosciutto, boiled eggs (I kid you not!), toast and butter, all plant based. The taste? Delicious. Meat-eaters may scorn the “sausage” for not tasting like “real” sausage, but then sausages all over the world vary in taste in any case.

The butter is from a company called Miyoko’s, which makes a variety of cream products and cheeses.

Lunch can  from something light like salad topped with chicken slices, or a burger, a little heavier. Plant-based burgers were once--well, frankly--disgusting, but all that has changed with Impossible and Beyond Burgers. The difference between the two is the that Impossible is made with tofu and Beyond is made with pea protein. My preference is to stick to pea protein and avoid tofu if possible. However, both are astonishingly yummy and the beet juice added gives the burger that rich red inner color.

                                                                    Photo from package

Dinner is probably the most innovative meal. Below are some of the meals I’ve made.

                                                                     Curried chicken

                                Cauliflower crust pizza topped with mozzarella, sausage, olives, mushrooms, spinach

Remember that old English expression of “feeling peckish?” It means you’re not ravenously hungry and feel like just a little something to hit the spot. That was me tonight, so I cooked up some bacon

 

to top my nice, messy, grilled-cheese sandwich--no fancy presentation here!

Perfect.

For dessert, I had a vegan yoghurt made from coconut milk topped with some fruit and macadamias. The consistency of this particular yoghurt made by Cocojune is more like whipped cream, very light, and it’s manufactured with real probiotic cultures.

I could probably drum up quite a few inventive vegan meals if I actually liked cooking! In fact, not really. I eat to live rather than the reverse. My idea of cooking is put something in the oven or on the stove range, go take my shower and it’s done exactly when I get out. Presto!

1. 
   

Travelling while vegan

Leye- Every other Wednesday

I’ve now been on a vegan diet everyday of 2018, so far, and it’s been great. My smugness level keeps increasing, which is exciting. I’ve also noticed other effects of the diet. For one, my sense of smell has greatly improved. I can smell bacon and egg sandwich from a mile away. I can even tell if the customer has gone for the cheeky extra bacon. If you’ve had steak, I can tell several hours later. I can even tell how you had it cooked: rare, medium rare, or, you-do-not-deserve-this-meat. I can also walk into a restaurant and tell you what delicious cuts of beef they have on the menu. My sense of smell has greatly improved.

I’ve also lost some weight, not that I was overweight, to start with. Where someone sees a big stomach on me, I see fat reserves for a rainy day. My 36-inch trousers now gather under the belt, which is kind of annoying. And last year, before this vegan madness, I reluctantly accepted reality and bought my first XL shirt. It now feels like an XXL shirt and I’m upset because I haven’t worn my money’s worth out of it.

Another interesting result of my strictly vegan diet is a renewed efficiency of my digestive system. Which can be inconvenient as I’m one of those people who prefer to do at home, those things that cannot be delegated.

I’m also learning things about myself. For example, I am not vegan. Yes, I’m on a vegan diet, and yes I care for the wellbeing of animals, but I am not throwing away my non-vegan shoes and belts and bags. I recently bought a new leather sofa. It’s yet to be delivered, and when it is, I’ll have no qualms packing my derrière on it. It’s a lovely sofa. You should come visit when it arrives.

I’m also learning important lessons that do not apply to anyone who is not vegan. For example, travelling while vegan requires planning.

Twice this so far this year, I’ve experienced the harsh realities of traveling while vegan. The first time was a three-day trip to Spain for the 2018 Barcelona Negra, a lovely festival where I got to meet and take a picture with THE James Ellroy.

My lovely hotel in Barcelona had a vegan friendly menu. Ratatouille without the advertised poached egg. I ate the same meal each day till I discovered a place on Las Ramblas where they were happy to fix me a vegan paella. It tasted like heaven - till my hunger was sorted, then the rest of it tasted wrong.

The second time I’ve travelled while vegan is just last week. I was in France for Les Mots du Monde à Nantes. This time it was a four-day trip. It was lovely. I enjoyed every day of the festival under the artistic directorship of the amazing Alain Mabanckou, the best-dressed writer in the world as far as I’m concerned.

I enjoyed the city of Nantes. I even did the tourist thing, which I hardly ever do unless there’s promise of wine on the route. Anyway, this time the authors had food vouchers for each day of the festival. The restaurant serving the food also catered for people dumb enough to switch to a vegan diet. They had rice and vegetables. This, my friends, was the only thing I ate, lunch and dinner, for the entire time I was in Nantes.  I don’t do breakfast.

The lesson I have learnt from these sojourns, as a person on a vegan diet, is this: do not, whatever you do, let the other authors at the festival know that you are on a vegan diet. Don’t. Trust me. They will find the most creative ways to taunt you over your insane choice of diet. They will let it slip into the questions they ask while you’re on a panel. They will make jokes with the waiters – in French, so you’re not even sure what they’ve said. (I should brush up on my primary school French). And they will never stop offering you a slice of their juicy, smells-so-delicious, full of umami, medium rare sirloin steak. What a mean bunch.