Crime & Publishment 2019

Zoë Sharp

At one time, the only way couples under the age of twenty-one, who’d been denied permission by their parents to marry, could tie the knot was to elope over the border from England into Scotland. Gretna, located just into Scotland, became the famous place for such couples to marry. The Mill Forge at Kirkpatrick Fleming, just two miles from Gretna itself, has become a favourite among favourites.

Today, though, it has another claim to fame. Over this weekend (March 8-10) it hosted the seventh annual Crime & Publishment crime writing course. Much information, fun, and it seemed, pink gin, was had by all!

Crime & Publishment (which is a bit of an inspired name for it) is organised at the Mill Forge by crime thriller author Graham Smith, who’s written 13 books in the DI Harry Evans, the Jake Boulder, and the DC Beth Young series. Graham also taught Crime Writing 101, as well as The Road to Publication, and took part in the 1-2-1 Surgeries on Saturday afternoon.

This is the second time Graham has invited me to the event to talk to attendees, this time on Getting Your Fight Scenes Right, which I extended to include a bit of info on common gun errors and car chases as well.

Graham played my crash-test dummy for the practical demonstration of some of the self-defence techniques, which he did without complaint, bless him. So, armed with a rubber knife, an old table fork and a magic marker, I showed the groups how their characters could get away from nasty situations and generally defeat the bad guys. It was entertaining while, I hope, also providing useful information.

While I was teaching half the attendees, Caro Ramsay, who happens to be an osteopath as well as the author of nine crime thrillers, was teaching the other half the ins and outs of Breaking Bones for Fun.

The following day, Doug Johnstone, Scottish crime author whose tenth novel will be out in May, talked on Creating Everyman for Everyone. Also, literary agent, Mark Stanton, known universally as Stan, from The North Agency, talked on Perfecting Your Pitch. Prior to being at The North, Stan worked for Canongate Press and the Jenny Brown Literary Agency. He also took part in the 1-2-1 Surgeries on Saturday afternoon and did the pitch sessions on Sunday morning.

I had the opportunity to sit in on Stan’s session, which was very interesting. He said he reads as much of the sample as holds his interest, then reads the synopsis to make sure it doesn’t take a weird left turn halfway through the plot. He particularly mentioned From Dusk Till Dawn, which starts as a classic heist movie, then takes a sharp sideways turn into a vampire movie halfway through.

When it came to writing the synopsis, which varies in word length from one page to 3000 words, depending on the agent involved, he reckoned that it was better to go for the one-pager, as it would fit most occasions. All it has to do is lay out the main arc of the story, without sub-plots, not even the names of all the characters. The kind of synopsis The North Agency is looking for, Stan told us, is a one- or two-line breakdown of chapters and the bare bones of what happens next in the story. An agent is looking for peace of mind, he said, that what they’ve read is representative. And he would want to know the ending, or spoiler alert in bold, if it’s a big twist ending as with Agatha Christie’s THE MURDER OF ROGER ACKROYD. And any sample of the book should be of the length the agency requests and must be the beginning of the novel, not bits from the middle.

Perhaps most surprisingly, Stan recommended brevity almost in the extreme for the covering letter or email, and provided some examples of what not to write unless amusing the agent is your intention.

As I write this blog, only the final pitch sessions with Stan on Sunday morning remain and then Crime & Publishment will be over for another year. With great camaraderie and good-humoured nights in the bar, it’s become a highlight of the calendar. Ten previous attendees have signed publishing contracts so far, often with the major houses. And although Graham tries to ring the changes with a lot of the instructors, there are some attendees who come back year after year. I can entirely understand why.

This week’s Word of the Week is opperchancity, which I had no idea was even a word until assured of that fact by Graham. It is a relatively new addition to the dictionary and is a cross between chance and opportunity, particularly meaning the kind of opportunity that happens once in a lifetime.

Upcoming Events

May 9-12

CRIMEFEST INTERNATIONAL CRIME FICTION CONVENTION—Mercure Bristol Grand Hotel, Bristol

Friday, May 10, 13:40-14:30Contemporary Issues: Reflecting How We LiveCandy Denman, Paul Gitsham, Cara Hunter, Amanda Robson, Zoë Sharp (Participating Moderator)Saturday, May 11, 11:20-12:10Ten Year Stretch: The CrimeFest Short Story AnthologyPeter Guttridge, Caro Ramsay, Zoë Sharp, Michael Stanley (Stan Trollip), Kate Ellis (Participating Moderator)Sunday, May 12, 09:30-10:20The Indie AlternativeBeate Boeker, Adam Croft, Barry Faulkner, Lynn Florkiewicz, Zoë Sharp (Participating Moderator)

And, just in:

#NoirAtTheBarNE: Noir at the Bar comes to Newcastle upon Tyne

Zoë Sharp

Last Wednesday I drove over to Newcastle - the ‘upon Tyne’ one, rather than the ‘-under-Lyme’ one, and no, I have no idea why one is not hyphenated and the other is - for Noir At The Bar NorthEast.

This is now the third time a Noir At The Bar event has been staged in the UK. A US import, the first was organised by Jay Stringer north of the border, in Glasgow. The second - and the first in England - was at Carlisle back in March, and I was honoured to be one of the authors invited by organiser Graham Smith (of Crime & Publishment) to take part.

Wednesday night was the first time N@tB has taken place over in the northeast of the country. The lovely Vic Watson - known as Elementary V Watson, proof-reader, copy-editor and creative writer - and the equally wonderful Jacky Collins, brains behind Newcastle Noir, were the co-hosts this time around. Thank you SO much to those two for putting on such a great event, and allowing me to take part.

Vic Watson and Jacky Collins

The venue was the basement of The Town Wall pub in Newcastle, an atmospheric venue with cracking food and a charming barman who bore a startling resemblance to Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. They served very decent grub, too.

Jon Snow, who appeared to be moonlighting as the barman at The Town Wall pub in Newcastle

I wasn’t officially on the bill for Newcastle, but having gone to Carlisle it was such fun I decided to make the journey anyway, with a friend, Shell, along for a night out. Quite by co-incidence, I had an email on the morning of the event from Vic, saying an author had been forced to drop out at the last minute due to injury, and would I like to step in?

NOT Tess Makovesky

The injured author was Tess Makovesky, who apparently lost a battle with her furniture and knocked herself about quite a bit in the process. I swore I was nowhere near her at the time, but I’m not sure how much I was believed … Hope you recover soon, Tess!

For anyone unfamiliar with the N@tB format, it involves a group of authors being asked to come along to a bar (crime writers and a drinking establishment, who’d have thought a pairing like that would work …?) and read part of a current work. The names were put in a hat and drawn out at random for the running order.

The miscreants: (left to right) Graham Smith, Gordon Brown, Danielle Ramsay, Jacky Collins, Zoë Sharp, Eileen Wharton, Vic Watson, Sheila Quigley, Janet O'Kane, Martyn Taylor, G.J. Brown

It was a really fun evening, not only to hear some great stories, but also to mix with friends old and new, including finally getting to meet Noelle Holten of CrimeBookJunkie.

Vic Watson has covered the authors and the work from which they read so well in her own blog that I’m linking to it here. Well worth taking a look at! And the resemblance between us was spookily uncanny, especially when I put my reading glasses on ...

Spooky or what? Me and Vic Watson.
I am her Evil Twin

I read from a short story I recently finished, which is intended for The Strand magazine. It’s called ‘Risk Assessment’ and came about through an experience I had when I received my last car insurance renewal notice and decided to use an alternative provider.

Reading from 'Risk Assessment' on the night.

The events described in the story were entirely made up, by the way, but the possibilities are very real. And it is, after all, our job as crime authors to see the worst in any given situation …

This week’s Word of the Week is sesquipedalian, meaning to use a lot of long words that most people do not understand. As distinct from orotund, which means using extremely formal and complicated language intended to impress people, and also prolix, which is to use too many words, and therefore to be boring.

And with that, I’ll get me coat … 

Noir At The Bar: Carlisle - Noir At The Bar Comes to the UK

Zoë Sharp

Last week I had the pleasure of being invited to the first Noir At The Bar event held in England. It wasn’t the first one in the UK – that honour was nabbed by Glasgow in June last year.

The inaugural English event took place in Carlisle, at the quirky Moo Bar on Devonshire Street, which is a real-ale-drinker’s dream location. The organisers were three local crime authors – Matt Hilton, Graham Smith and Mike Craven, collectively known as Crime Ink-Corporated.

l to r Matt Hilton, Graham Smith, Mike Craven

When Matt first emailed me about taking part I said yes right away, and only then started to think about what I was actually going to read out. We were each allowed between five and seven minutes, although I’ve always found short and sweet tends to go down better than going on again, on again, on again.

In the end I plumped for part of my Charlie Fox short story ‘Kill Me Again Slowly’, which I wrote for the Bouchercon 2015 anthology, MURDER UNDER THE OAKS. This story had enough of a bizarre setup to be (I hope) both intriguing and entertaining. Seemed to go down well on the night, anyway.

Of course, while the idea of N@tB may be a new one in the UK, such events have been going on in the States since 2008. Crime reviewer, critic and blogger, Peter Rozovsky of Detectives Beyond Borders came up with the original idea, which was held at a bar tended by a friend in Philadelphia, where the décor happened to be all black.

Peter Rozovsky (right) with Ali Karim of Shots eZine
(pic by Ali Karim)

The format for those first evenings was for a single author to read and take questions, but since then – and with more authors wanting to take part – there can be quite a number, reading out short extracts either from a current work or, in some cases, from something experimental that might or might not otherwise see the light of … night.

great pic for N@tB, created by illustrator Brent Schoonover

Dozens of N@tB evenings have now sprung up from New York to LA and all points in between. And then last year two Brit authors decided to bring it over here. The organisers for the Glasgow event were Jay Stringer and Russel D McLean. Jay made it down to Carlisle for last week’s event, and very entertaining he is, too.

As were the other writers on the bill, including Lucy Cameron, Paul Finch, James Hilton, Tess Makovesky, David Mark, Jay Stringer, Neil White and myself. A wildcard name was pulled from a hat on the night – Linda Wright. Some read parts of short stories, work-in-progress novels, current novels and even a great poem. And all with that dark kind of humour that marks out this particular corner of the genre.

thanks to Noir at the Bar for the pic

The place was packed, and by the end of the evening Graham was able to announced that the Moo Bar had happily invited N@tB back again for a return match. I hope I’m lucky enough to be there for it.

l to r Matt Hilton, Lucy Cameron, Graham Smith, Tess Makovesky, Paul Finch, Linda Wright, Neil White, David Mark, Jay Stringer, ZS, Jim Hilton (Matt's brother) and Mike Craven

This week’s Word of the Week comes courtesy of Lucy Cameron’s blog, and is pleonasm, meaning the use of more words or parts of words than are strictly necessary for clear expression. It comes from the Greek pleonasmos (pleon) meaning more or too much. One common example is ‘safe haven’, as if it wasn’t safe it wouldn’t be a haven, so ‘safe’ can be left out. However, sometimes pleonasm is employed for additional emphasis, in case certain words are lost during communication.

Crime and Publishment And the Skinny Pigs

                            


I'd like you to meet Graham Smith.  He's the Crime writer who runs the Crime and Publishment weekend that I did some work for recently, but more about that later. Graham is a very busy man, one of those chaps that always has a pen stuck behind his ear and a thousand things going on on his mind, all in the right order. I think he began life as a builder so this could well be true but I  think all writers should be caught up in the imaginative affray and not that well behaved really.  You know, vast of mind and rampant creative processes  which leads to terrible handwriting among other traits of marvelous.

However to his credit, he does have
                       a) terrible handwriting

                       b) the ability to tell a good story, short and sharp.

                       c) a very quick sense of humour

                       d) a pen behind his ear that I borrowed on many occasions ( I can never find mine!)

                                            
                                                  Graham behind the bar

The Crime And Publishment folk are a very friendly on-line bunch who seem to meet up every now and again to eat, drink and drink some more. As a bit of an outsider I was struck by the support and generosity they have for each other's writing, and was wondering if that was because many of them live in places ( I'm refusing to type the words 'the middle of no where'!)  that are more rural, a little off the beaten track and lack the  physical local writers group that we enjoy in the mid belt. 

I bet they all live in perfectly normal places  but I'm not letting that spoil the blog..

Here's what Graham had to say....

Who and what is Crime and Publishment?

Crime & Publishment is a weekend of crime writing masterclasses. It is held at the hotel I manage on the outskirts of Gretna Green.

                                                   
                                                   The marvelous reviewer Chris.
                                           A well known face from Harrogate and Bristol

What does that location lend to the crime writing.... it struck me how close the motorway was--- for quick get away if I had murdered Chris Simmonds and stuck him in your wheely bin?

Being close to the motorway is great for quick getaways and the fact Gretna Green is a tourist town means there is a constant stream of visitors to the area and therefore lots of stories to be overheard.

Do you meet online? How often do you meet in person?

We have a group on the book of faces (Facebook) It’s a secret group complete with passwords, funny handshakes and a rather bizarre initiation ceremony involving The Da Vinci Code, self-flagellation and the words “I can write better than this”. To supplement this online activity we meet up for a meal and a natter about all things relevant to crime fiction every couple of months or so.

                                                         

Why was it set up and whose idea was it?

I founded Crime & Publishment along with Inga McVicar as a way to help aspiring writers achieve their aim of securing a publishing contract.

                                                               

Can anybody join?

We are open to all writers who are looking to learn more about their craft and improve their writing. We’ve had attendees from all over the country with varied levels of experience and previous successes.

                                              

Many of you seemed very well informed, did C and P stem from any review website?

Thank you for the compliment. Crime and Publishment was only made possible by the contacts I’ve established as a reviewer for Crimesquad.com. Not only have I been able to attract talented authors as speakers, I’ve been lucky enough have attendees who know a certain amount of writing crime fiction.

And what is WCW?

WCW is the shortened from of Word Count Wednesday. This is a regular feature (weekly believe it or not) on our Facebook group. The idea is that you post the number of new words written towards a crime fiction story. It acts as a prompt for everyone and engenders a collective support system. Depending upon everyone’s commitments away from writing and where they are in their novel, the non-existent trophy can pass back and forth between any member.

How long has the C and P weekend been going?

2015 was our third year and I am already starting to plan for 2016.

                                              
      This is Mike Craven, a man who wears Spiderman socks... do not ask me how I know this....

Biggest success, apart from Ms Ramsay and Mr Malone's Jaws oscar winning performance?

I didn’t witness that performance myself, therefore under the mygaff / myrules jurisdiction it cannot be included. In all seriousness, the fact Mike Craven, Lucy Cameron and myself have all earned publishing contracts because of C&P is undoubtedly the greatest success. I never dared to imagine that after running the event twice I would have such a batting average.

                                                 

        Lucy Cameron's pie chart to the great novel.

 I think the orange bit might stand for googling oneself!

Biggest Disaster?

There hasn’t been a disaster as such, but when David Thomas contacted me a week before the event with news of unforeseen family circumstance. I did see rather a large wave approaching my little boat. I was very fortunate that Neil White was able to step in and rescue me.

How do you split writing time with what must be a very consuming job?

It’s a struggle at times but when a story is burning inside me I have to get it out. My shifts at work get me three weekdays a fortnight when my son is at school and I tend to try and get at least an hour’s writing done after 9.00pm every night.

What book are you on now and how is it going?

I’m working on my own edits of a novel provisionally titled “The Watcher” and I’m really enjoying the discovery of all the stupid mistakes I’ve made. I hate the whole editing process but I know how much of a difference it can make. The way this one is going I may have to invest in a larger swear box.

                                        
                                                         And that is a Skinny Pig!

Tell us about the naked guinea pigs....

My wife breeds a rare kind of hairless guinea pig known as “skinny pigs”. I have as little to do with them as possible because of a firm belief they are nothing more than tail-less rats. However, I have writing as my hobby and she has her skinny pigs. With the bald wee buggers selling at over £100 apiece I’m gonna have to shift a lot of books to compete with her financially.

Caro Ramsay 27/03/2015

Crime and Punishment in Gretna

Murder at the Mill

Well not really.

                                       

                               Host, criminal mastermind and crime writer, Graham


                               
                                                   The crime scene...

I’ve just returned from a weekend of crime writing fun run by Graham Smith and his cronies at Crime and Punishment.  I’ve asked Graham to guest blog about who and what the C and P writers are and it turns out he has guested for MIE before, as a guest of Leighton.  So I felt I was following in great footsteps and was rather chuffed when Graham agreed. So watch this space...

                                       
              My partners in crime ....Michael Malone, writer and poet, who re enacted Jaws with me



                                                       

                             Neil White,  crime writer, Crown Prosecutor and general clever person.


                                          
The Bridgestocks. He's an ex Detective Chief Super. She's an ex family liaison officer I think. And together they write crime fiction and act as advisers on a popular Tv series. Yipe they are married and write together..... they still seem to speak to each other.

Graham is, when not writing crime novels,  the general manager of The Mill Forge, a very famous wedding venue in Scotland and  it would be a fantastic place to host a murder mystery weekend, except  that daft folk will insist on getting married there.

                                      

In 1740 it was a grain mill, the farmhouse was added in 1862. In 1988 the Smith family bought the premises (it was a disused farm by then) and set about building the accommodation, converting the grain mill to a restaurant and bar. The wedding ceremony  venue was added in 1999.

                                      

And very pretty it is to.

It now has a wee shop, a reception and a children’s play area round the back out of sight! My other half, who drummed in wedding bands for years has always said it is a godsend when kids have somewhere to go at a wedding, somewhere where they can get tired out and fall asleep in the corner. Instead of throwing things at the drummer.

                                          

Gretna and Gretna Green are both historically linked to weddings because throughout history, it has always been easier to get married in Scotland than … that other place in the south.

Prior to the Acts of Union (1707) Gretna was a customs post on the drovers road for collecting taxes on cattle crossing the border between the two kingdoms. Then marriage down south became more difficult, both parties had to be over 21 or both parents had to consent whereas in Scotland girls of 12, boys of 14 could get married no matter what the parents thought.  (that might be due to very short life expectancy!)

                                      

So many English betrothed eloped to Gretna, then as the new road was built, Gretna Green was slightly easier to reach and it became the top destination.

                                      

Gretna has an interesting past. During WW1 it  was code named Moorside.  30,000 workers, mostly women, mixed devil’s porridge ( nitro-glycerine and gun cotton into cordite paste ) by hand.

The influx of workers, thousands and thousands of them, caused  huge problems with their drunkeness, which was so bad, even the government was concerned and the problem was deemed to be a threat to national security.

                                    

So the government introduced new bylaws in the area that stretched as far as Carlisle and Maryport; Spiritless Saturdays were introduced. Buying anyone else a drink,  or drinking beer and spirits in the same pub, were both banned. The pub landlords became civil servants and therefore it was unlawful for them to let  people get drunk in their premises.

                                      

What I wasn’t aware of is that this is the home of the Cumberland Gap (Lonnie Donnegan fans need note). The Cumberland Gap refers to the remaining 6 miles of non-upgraded dual-carriageway  that existed between the Scottish Motorway to the North and the M6 at Carlisle.

So as Gretna Green is the first village in Scotland. The railway station serves both Gretna Green and Gretna and it is where the worst rail crash disaster in British history happened. The Quintinshill rail crash, 226 deaths in 1915.

                                        

But the mojo of the area is a happy one. It is said that one in every six Scottish weddings takes place in Gretna / Gretna Green. Over 5000 weddings a year. 

In the old days the black smith could marry couples ( the modern day registry office is known as the Anvil Hall). The  blacksmith and the anvil have become the lasting symbols of Gretna Green weddings. By Scottish law, it was  allowed to have "irregular marriages", meaning that if a declaration was made before two witnesses, almost anybody had the authority to conduct the marriage ceremony. Hence the blacksmiths in Gretna became known as "anvil priests". The most famous,  Richard Rennison, performed 5,147 ceremonies.

                                                   

Since 1929, both parties in Scotland have had to be at least 16 years old, but they still may marry without parental consent. In England and Wales, the age for marriage is now 16 with parental consent and 18 without.

Thousands of couples from around the world come to be married in Gretna Green.

In popular fiction Gretna has come to the attention of Jane Austin, Tony Hancock, Agatha Christie,  EastEnders, Downton Abbey, Coronation Street and the 1949 Hitchcock movie Under Capricorn.

Caro Ramsay 13 03 2015