Guest Post - Charlie at Crimefest by Paul Durston

Michael - Alternate Thursdays 

Paul Durston served with the Metropolitan Police in London for thirty years, specializing in emergency response and communications. He now lives on a narrowboat and cruises the inland water ways of the UK while writing intriguing crime novels around a very unusual protagonist. I had the pleasure of being on a panel with him at Crimefest last month and learning about him and his books. Then again, maybe it was Charlie on the panel... Over to you, Paul.

In The Met, terms like Plod and Woodentop (demeaning names detectives use for the uniform) are a bit dated. You’d more likely hear something like: 

“We need to run this witness home.” 

“Get a Lid to do that.” 

We Lids would get our own back on the detectives. 

“We need to find consistencies and inconsistencies in these three-hundred pages of statements.” 

“Oh, get a Tecco to do that.”

I’m retired but I kept my lids. Probably shouldn’t have. Probably shouldn’t have posted this either. Probably get a visit from a Tecco – if s/he can find Birmingham. 

“Where’s Birmingham?” 

“Dunno, ask a Lid.”

 After retiring, I sat a creative writing course at City University London. Part of that course was attendance as a reader at the Bristol CrimeFest back in 2016. I decided then that I wanted to sit on a panel. Slight problem – I had to write a crime fiction novel and have it published.

I submitted the novel I wrote for my course (Additional Cargo about asylum seekers approaching the English south coast) to loads of agents and received loads of nice letters in reply – the first sentence of which contained the word but.

I wrote another book, If I Were Me, about Charlie Quinlan, a London police officer who, when on duty, does police work and, when off duty, kills paedophiles.

I touted this around agents and publishers and came to the conclusion they needed to extend their vocabulary beyond the word but.

A friend of mine suggested Diamond Crime, no agent required. On checking them out, they were clearly different. Instead of the general submission package (first three chapters, synopsis, covering letter) Diamond said not to make a submission unless able to submit a whole book. Was this a publisher who, instead of assessing your submission, assessed your work?

Whatever, Diamond Crime took my book on, published it and, in May 2023, I realised my ambition of sitting on a panel at Bristol CrimeFest. There I was with Lisa Jewell, Lesley Kara, Simon Toyne and Lucy Martin, all best-selling novelists, and little ol’ me, with my little ol’ book.

2024. Second book. I call it Charlie II. It’s actually called If We Were One and I’m up again at Bristol CrimeFest.

2025. Charlie III. If We Were Guilty. Here I am, again, at Bristol CrimeFest. What a difference. This panel’s called One of a Kind – Atypical Characters. Instead of me, I felt as though it was Charlie on the panel. Our moderator was Michael Sears (half of the Michael Stanley partnership) and alongside me were Bridget Walsh, Christina Koning and Tom Mead. 

Michael’s detective, Kubu, does law enforcement in Botswana (I’ve known detectives who look like hippos). Christina’s blind detective in London between-the-wars (never known any blind detectives – blind drunk maybe). Tom’s detective, also in London between-the-wars, who needs the help of a conjuror to solve his investigations (not unlike many of the detectives I know). Last but by no means least, Bridget’s investigator set in the music halls of 1870s London (all investigations are a balancing act and Teccos’ balance improves when they have someone to hold their hand – particularly a tight-rope walker). It was an absolute pleasure not having to read books in a setting in which I’ve served professionally for thirty years and meet and chat with these fantastic authors.

And, of course, Charlie.

She would say, “I kill paedophiles. You got a problem with that?” I don’t think CrimeFest chose her for this panel because of her nefarious off-duty activity. I think it was more to do with why she kills paedophiles.

The three books are dependent on one another. If you do decide to read them, I recommend you read them in order.

On the panel with Michael, I was posed with a weird problem – how to describe the later books without spoiling the earlier ones. Then it dawned on me – the titles.

 

The identity problem is Dissociative Identity Disorder (used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder). Charlie was raised in a children’s home where one of the wardens facilitated access for a paedophile ring. Charlie was abused regularly and frequently. To cope, she dissociated – Lottie formed. When it got too much for Lottie, Floella formed. Then came Jemima and Gillian. They call themselves The Quins.

The Teccos are getting nowhere and Charlie has to investigate herself – finds her Quins and finds the culprit. What should she do? Arrest her? Report her? Join her? Kill her?

In Merry England, killing people, even paedophiles, is… frowned upon. Charlie’s nicked and ends up gripping the rail.

You as the reader, have the jury at an advantage. You know she’s guilty. But would you find her guilty?

I love moral conundrums. Diamond Crime have set up a forum on their website where you can announce which you would choose and join the discussion

www.diamondbooks.co.uk/discuss

Look forward to hearing from you.

Oh, before I go, towards the beginning, I mentioned my book called Additional Cargo. Well, the book hasn’t seen the light of day but check this out:

That’s me on the back – sorry, stern – emerging from the top lock of the Tardebigge (normal spelling) flight. This flight of locks (10 miles south of Birmingham) is well known in boating circles as it’s the longest flight in the UK – thirty locks – one after the other – can’t stop – no wonder Boaty’s front doors are open – she’s gasping for breath. These boats move so slowly that when we pass one another there’s time for a fairly in depth conversation. Frequently, we’re asked, “What’s the additional cargo?” My partner, Caroline, points at me while I point at myself. Another question we’re often asked is, “What colour’s that?” When I say, “Orange,” I’m looked at like I’m taking the piss. I don’t get it.

Caroline and I love Boaty and spend most of our time on her.

I write silly stories about boating – Detective Inspector Burton of the Canal Police. I’m sure you know it’s a requirement for all protagonists in crime fiction, probably in all fiction, to be in some kind of conflict. Detective Inspector Burton’s conflict is that he’s 6’8”, built like a brick outhouse and lives on a narrowboat. I love playing with names. Detective Inspector Burton’s DS is Evelyn Dense. His DC is Ewan Watt. My favourite, Assistant Commissioner Principal – first name Peter. I’m sure you can guess Detective Inspector Burton’s first name.

The first story sees Detective Inspector Burton investigating a death on the Grand Union Canal – but not Agatha Christie style.

www.pauldurston.com

Enjoy.

Paul