Friday, March 21, 2014

The 21 Sexiest Crime Writers by Matt Rees

Here are bits of a blog stolen from Matt Rees, who is
a) very charming
b) a wee bit naughty
c) bored!!!
d) a great writer
e) Welsh!

That was in no order of importance by the way.
He posted bits of this on his own website on Tuesday this week and has caused huge hilarity since. Well he did in my house. I have forgiven Matt (almost) for beating me to Best Debut Novel Dagger. I don't think I have forgiven him for writing a novel  better than mine but I do plan my revenge on a daily basis.

Here's what he got up to...  a Tuesday....bored.... He's in bold.

My comments are both tongue in cheek and italic.

The 21 Sexiest Crime Novelists
by Matt Rees
Killer good looks from writers who kill in their books
"Crime novelists are the sexiest writers. Of course writers aren’t noted for sexiness. Go to a reading by a “literary novelist” and you’ll either encounter an author who looks like a fat, drunk librarian or a pallid fifteenth-century inquisitor. But when you go to a reading by a thriller writer, the movies that’re developed from their books create an expectation that a male writer will be rugged and handsome like an action star and a female writer will be slinky and knowing like a thriller femme fatale. And some of them are. Here’s the list of the 21 sexiest writers in crime fiction, the sexiest genre in all literature."

He starts with my mate Helen FitzGerald who is an Aussie but lives down the road from
me in Glasgow. She once showed me how she had to sit to get this photo taken.
I think she hurt her neck.

Gregg Hurwitz

Matt says that Gregg is "tall and athletic, a soccer player who also dedicates a novel to
how cute his little daughters are. What’s not to love? Also happens to have written
the most explosive opening of any recent thriller in Trust No One."
As my Gran would say 'he looks like he could shift a piano for you.'

Jasmine Schwartz
Matt says  "Her Melissa Morris mysteries are loaded with sexual tension, seduction,
and irritable bowel syndrome."
I confess that this lady is a new writer to me but she's on my list now.
She's also Matt's wife. Great photo.

James Thompson
Matt describes him as "Corruption, sex-trafficking, and a hero with a nasty, violent streak. A Finnish residency permit, and a tattoo. Read Helsinki Blood."
He looks a moody froody doody to me.  I already have this book on my shelf, it's fab.

Zoe Ferraris
Matt says 'Living in the Middle East I’ve always found the fully covered lady
mysterious and alluring. Finding Nouf is a beautiful novel that even makes Saudi sexy.'
Again, a new writer to me, but on my list.

Barry Eisler
Matt is impressed by  this guys hair!
"A former CIA operative and judo black belt. Start with A Clean Kill in Tokyo,
the first of his books about anti-hero John Rain."
He sounds like someone you don't want to mess with. I think my pit bull would think twice.

Megan Abbott

"The thinking man’s crime fiction crumpet, the naughty ingenue of noir with
a PhD in English and American literature. The Song is You is steamy and tense."
I know Megan, she looks like a small delicate creature and her intellect is awesome.

Philip Sington
Matt wants Philip to be the next James Bond. "Born to a British intelligence officer
 and an industrial chemist, tall, sophisticated, sweet, and cosmopolitan (married to a German.) The Valley of Unknowing is about a womanizer.
 That certainly could be considered sexy."

Tess Gerritsen
Matt says..."The self-confessed intense tiger-mommy of crime fiction also has
undeniable sex appeal. The Silent Girl is a gripping story of secrets that haunt several
 lives, and what’s more sexy than a secret?"

Camilla Lackberg
"The kind of looks that made Sweden famous for…You know what it’s famous for.
One of her books includes a corpse found in the tub, so Camilla posted a nice pic
of herself in a bubble bath with shapely leg extended. I rushed to order The Ice Princess,
of course. Which is, like all her others, a thrill."

Zoe Sharp
"Motorbikes and handguns and blonde hair. Okay, you’re on the list. Her self-sufficient,
irascible heroine Charlie Fox is at her best in Die Easy."
I think Matt is very brave.
Very brave indeed.

Robert Crais
"A tough-guy squint and a Batman jaw gets L.A. bestseller Crais onto the list. He lives with his wife and their cats. But I won’t kick him off the list for that. My favorite of his Elvis Cole novels is Stalking the Angel."

Caro Ramsay
"A lovely Glasgow accent and a nice authorial turn in disemboweling and
other gruesomenesses. Caro’s a medical professional. She’s like Patricia Cornwell
without the private helicopter but with more atmosphere."

How did Matt Guess I don't have a helicopter????

Christopher G. Moore
"An urbane expat at home in the fleshpots of Thailand like his hero Vincent Calvino,
 Chris has a decency and worldliness that’s in itself reminiscent of some of the
great noir heroes."

Christa Faust
"A former dominatrix, Christa has one of the most flesh-filled author pages on
Facebook, often featuring her tattoos. I like the pulpishness of her Money Shot
and I’m looking forward to reading her newest Butch Fatale, Dyke Dick."
Now come on, who read, then reread the first three words of Matt's blurb about Christa? I bet Jeff didn't get any further....

Ian Rankin
"Dark and stubbly and candid with a taste for raucous rock. His Inspector Rebus novel Strip Jack has some pleasantly sexy naughtiness."
I emailed Matt and said that you don't get sexy men from Edinburgh. Apart from that Sean Connery bloke.  And Ian is fae Fife.

Alafair Burke
Matt says..."Her 212 is an investigation of internet prurience (a bit like this list) with a thrilling conclusion. A law professor, Alafair is the thinking man’s crime writing crumpet (unless the thinking man is still thinking of Megan Abbott — see above.)"
After making sure that prurience meant what I thought it did, I think I agree with Matt.  I think.  Sorry. still thinking about Sean Connery's tattoo.

Rebecca Cantrell
"A great series set against the backdrop of Nazi Germany. Cool enough to have
written novels specifically for reading on cellphones, iDracula and iFrankenstein." says Matt.

Jason Goodwin
"The thinking woman’s crime fiction crumpet (the thinking man is still busy thinking
about Alafair and Megan). A Cambridge University student of Byzantine history (hence his Inspector Yashim novels) with the look of a rumpled English gent."
A man of 'gratuitous linen'  was how Jason was described to me. And he can either
cook or he knows a lot about cooking. He once complained to me that he'd been to
Glasgow and got out unscathed.

Gillian Flynn
"Truly sexy, and not only for eviscerating marriage in Gone Girl. Wins the prize for best cheekbones on the Sexiest Crime Novelists list."

Laura Lippman
"Even if her #itsokkimnovak selfie hadn’t illustrated that we focus too much on youth in women, she’d be on the list. Of course that selfie only made her sexier. My favorite of hers is What The Dead Know."

So that is his list.......

Caro         Friday 21st March 2014


  1. Well, I'm not the least surprised Caro and Zoe made the cut!

  2. Well, Ms. Sexiest, I once has a bar in New York City where we had a hostess who was a dominatrix, so I didn't come to a full stop on word three of Ms. Faust's (?) description. However as a child I did have a fixation on dragonflies so thank you and Christa (via Matt) for the jaunt down memory (not a misspelling) lane, ma'm. And I join Michael in congratulating you and Zoe for making the list. UK MIErs rule!

  3. Now, where to start reading. Jeff, what is it about those memories we men find so fascinating?

  4. I think I may have been included by mistake. :))

  5. Oh no Zoe, I think you were getting the Emma Peel vote!