Each year most of your Murder is Everywhere bloggers head off to Bouchercon - the largest mystery reader/writer conference. This year it is to be held in Cleveland, Ohio, from Thursday October 4 to Sunday October 7. It is certainly worth a visit, if you have the chance.
Because we are busy most of the conference - if not on a panel, at least meeting friends in the bar - we always take a break from our normal blog activities. So what we do is replay a blog that we like, which appeared sometime in the past.
Michael and I are honored to be nominated for a Barry - to be announced on Thursday at the Opening reception - and an Anthony - to be announced on Saturday evening.
We are also both involved in panels.
Michael joins Dave Magayna
(Moderator), Robin Burcell, Karin Slaughter, Reed Farrel Coleman, and
Ben Coes in how to keep your protagonist appealing over many books. Saturday Oct 6 @09:00-10:50 AM: The Pleasures and Perils of Series
Sleuths Panel in Grand Ballroom A.
Then directly after Michael's panel, most of your Murder is Everywhere crew (Yrsa, Cara, Tim, and Jeffrey, and me) meet for a panel moderated by Peter Rozovsky. Saturday Oct 6 @10:15-11:05 AM in Grand Ballroom A.
Then directly after Michael's panel, most of your Murder is Everywhere crew (Yrsa, Cara, Tim, and Jeffrey, and me) meet for a panel moderated by Peter Rozovsky. Saturday Oct 6 @10:15-11:05 AM in Grand Ballroom A.
You can see more details of Bouchercon at http://bouchercon2012.com/.
Since over the past week or so, there has been some criticism in this blog of (mainly) American airlines (not necessarily American Airlines), plus a taut word or two about other carriers, I thought I would replay a blog I wrote on August 19, 2010. It is about one airline's attempt to make flying fun again!
______________________
LOVE TO FLY
Since I left South Africa for the United States in 1970, I have flown a great deal - probably close to 3 million miles. Other than being addicted to airline food, I have had nothing bad happen to me. Touch wood!
However flying has become very stressful, particularly since 9/11. The hassles of security and associated delays have taken most of the fun out of flying, even if you are not strip-searched and your hand luggage scattered over the airport floor by surly TSA (the US Transportation Security Administration) personnel. Planes are fuller than ever, seats narrower and closer together, and the person sitting next to you always seems to overflow the real estate he or she rented for the duration of the flight.
One no-frills South African Airline, Kulula, has decided to reverse the trend. Somewhat in the style of the US Southwest Airlines, it tries to make flights more entertaining. Not only is the crew more relaxed about the in-flight announcements, but even the maintenance personnel have joined the party by repainting the aircraft so that each flight could be a learning experience.
Here are photos of a Kulula plane.
As I mentioned, Kulula staff also try to make the atmosphere during a flight more relaxed and enjoyable. Here are examples of what has been heard on Kulula flights:
Since I left South Africa for the United States in 1970, I have flown a great deal - probably close to 3 million miles. Other than being addicted to airline food, I have had nothing bad happen to me. Touch wood!
However flying has become very stressful, particularly since 9/11. The hassles of security and associated delays have taken most of the fun out of flying, even if you are not strip-searched and your hand luggage scattered over the airport floor by surly TSA (the US Transportation Security Administration) personnel. Planes are fuller than ever, seats narrower and closer together, and the person sitting next to you always seems to overflow the real estate he or she rented for the duration of the flight.
One no-frills South African Airline, Kulula, has decided to reverse the trend. Somewhat in the style of the US Southwest Airlines, it tries to make flights more entertaining. Not only is the crew more relaxed about the in-flight announcements, but even the maintenance personnel have joined the party by repainting the aircraft so that each flight could be a learning experience.
Here are photos of a Kulula plane.
As I mentioned, Kulula staff also try to make the atmosphere during a flight more relaxed and enjoyable. Here are examples of what has been heard on Kulula flights:
On a flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin
lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your
flight attendants."
----o0o---
On
landing, a female flight attendant said, "Please be sure to take all of
your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
----o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business, as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
----o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
----o0o---
After
a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a
flight attendant announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead
compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything
has shifted."
----o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth
. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
----o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask,
and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
----o0o---
“Weather
at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try
to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your
seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
----o0o---
"As
you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
----o0o---
And
from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased
to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
----o0o---
After Kulula 255 had a very hard landing in Cape Town,
the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
bump, and I know what you all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
----o0o---
On
a Kulula flight into Cape Town on a particularly windy and bumpy day,
the Captain really had to fight it during the final approach. After an
extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with
your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our
airplane to the gate!"
----o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
----o0o---
An airline pilot
wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his plane into the
runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer
to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
"Thanks for flying our airline.” He said that, in light of his bad landing,
he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off
except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do
you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot.
"What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot
down?"
----o0o---
After
a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt
against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal."
----o0o---
Part
of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we
hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
----o0o---
Heard
on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the
smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em,
you can smoke 'em."
----o0o---
A
plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban
to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have
a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY
GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came
back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant
accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
I
hope to see you all in South Africa sometime soon. I think you will
enjoy the scenery, the food and wine, and the South African sense of
humour.
Stan - Thursday
Posts
I laughed as I read this and laughed more on the second read when I realized how much I had missed the first time through. I plan on borrowing this.
ReplyDeleteBeth
Stan, I have read this three times trying to cheer myself up while waiting in LaGuardia Airport for six and a half hours for my once cancelled thrice delayed flight to Cleveland. If I get there before midnight, please look for me in the bar where I will be moaning into a very large glass of white wine!
ReplyDelete