Friday, May 4, 2012

On hitting 40 (or tapping it gently on the back...)


I'm 40 today. Hurray. I think it's quite common in these landmark situations to try and note down all the things you've learned, to make you sound all sage and wise. The problem is I'm not sage and wise, and  don't think I've really learned anything in my 40 years on the planet, other than 'Never trust a man who doesn't a drink' (exceptions made for those who have given up for medical and addiction-related reasons.)

So, instead, here's a list of things I've failed to learn. 


1. Hangovers get worse as you get older. (I know this, but I still haven’t learned it.)

2. Money doesn’t burn a hole in your pocket. (People talk about hard-working families, but what about us lazy, hard-spending ones?)

3. Talk less and listen more. (Or something like that anyway. Can't remember who told me it.) 

4. At least a rough plan or outline for a book is a good idea before you sit down and write it. (The thing I miss most about not smoking anymore is the cigarette packet. Very useful for sketching out ideas on.)

5. People are more interesting than smart phones. (When people can give you instant sport scores then we can talk about this...which leads me on to...)

6. Sport is essentially trivial and a bad result shouldn’t affect a grown man’s mood for the rest of the weekend. (I've gone through enough of life's trials to be able to put things in perspective, but it still hurts when my team lose.)

7. Children see through ludicrous threats from parents. (Telling them you will wipe all their toys from the face of the earth with a laser gun has a limited effect beyond the age of three.)

9. That biscuit is a bad idea. (Ditto that glass of wine, piece of cake etc. Also add in here 'You don't have to eat all the food on your plate.')

10. Just because someone disagrees with you politically doesn’t make them a bad person. (Even conservatives. Apparently.) 

11. Don't laugh at your own jokes. (But if I don't laugh, who will?)

12. Patience is a virtue. (Who wants to be virtuous?)

13. Never ask your wife what things she thinks you haven't learned in your life. (Unless you like the sound of sarcastic laughter and have at least three hours to spare.)

cheers

Dan - Friday

12 comments:

  1. LOL on wiping all toys from the face of the earth with a laser gun. I have never used that one, but I think I did threaten to "put everything that gives you any sort of entertainment at the bottom of the sea." Probably also transparently facetious.

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  2. Dan--

    Happy Birthday, and thank you. Now I know my wife is just bluffing with that threat to use her laser gun on my toys.

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  3. 40! Why I have shoes that old that I'm still wearing. (I know, quite a feat:)) Dan, my sincerest congratulations to you on this very special day, and believe me when I say that your best decades are still way ahead of you. By the way, thank you for hinting about the sort of gift you could use. In fact, let me be the first to send one off to you...an 8.

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  4. Ahh, Dan. From my advanced perspective, I know that 40 is just actually the end of the teens. You seem to have learned quite a few life-lessons, as some people persist in calling them. I would only add two:

    Take yourself at least as seriously as you take other people.

    Put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.

    If both of these seem vaguely selfish . . . well . . .

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  5. I have already pointed out to Dan that I am old enough to be his mother.

    As to #10, if the Conservative is Mitt Romney, then he is bad because he wants to get richer while he lets children be hungry. Maybe he would have been a better pen pal for Margaret Thatcher than Ronald Reagan.

    Again, Mr. Siger offers a pun and he reminds me that I should read for detail.

    I think you will enjoy 40 more if you think about it as being about 23. Does anyone still want to be anywhere near their teens?

    Happy Birthday, Dan. At 40, you still have many more birthdays to look forward to.

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  6. Happy birthday. I like your list which is very enlightened give how young you you are :)

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  7. Happy Birthday Dan! You have lots of years to get your list in order. If you really want to that is.

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  8. 11. Don't laugh at your own jokes. (But if I don't laugh, who will?)
    May I just add to the Birthday boy an addendeum
    or snort and make rude noises to illustrate - something I learned to my embarassment last night.
    Love the cake Dan

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  9. Hope it was a great day, Dan! And that everyone found you trustworthy!
    The one advantage of growing older is that while the list gets longer, you tend to forget most of it...

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  10. Others of your day:
    http://voices.yahoo.com/may-4-todays-notable-birthdays-3261217.html

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  11. Thanks everyone - for your comments and kind regards. I'm sorry for replying late but I had some celebrating to do, and as I indicated it takes longer to recover.

    The missing 8 I'm putting down to advancing years.

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  12. Thanks everyone - for your comments and kind regards. I'm sorry for replying late but I had some celebrating to do, and as I indicated it takes longer to recover.

    The missing 8 I'm putting down to advancing years.

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