Sunday, July 17, 2016

Fantasies, Festivals and Foolishness: The Ultimate Writer’s Staircase; appearing at the Chelmorton Festival; and the dumb things I’ve managed to do to myself recently.


The news of the past few weeks seems to have been one pummelling catastrophe after another. So, please excuse me if I plump for a lighter topic today. I’ve been feeling in need of a bit of respite from the doom and destruction all around us.

I receive a regular email of news items, and one caught my eye in the Huffington Post about a couple who painted their staircase to look like a stack of all their favourite books.

It looks particularly effective with their daughter perched on the top step, like a scene from Alice in Wonderland (which, I note, did not make the cut).

My painting talents extend more to Dulux gloss and emulsion rather than oils or watercolours, so I was wondering how I might best reproduce the effect without needing the talent to go with it.

A quick Google search later, I found this example. Not entirely sure where it’s from. Can anyone shed any light on that? Wrapping the jacket from just the spine on the riser, to the top of the tread as well really does make it look like a splayed stack of books.


In the house I’m renovating at the moment, I have only a short staircase of nine risers. So, what would go on my ultimate bookcase staircase? It would have to be books that played a big part in my life, beginning most likely with BLACK BEAUTY by Anna Sewell.


I remember this book most vividly from my childhood. Not only was it a wonderfully told tale of the life of the eponymous horse, but the book was amazingly influential when it was published in 1877, bringing about a change in the law to ensure better treatment of working horses, many of whom laboured until they dropped in the street.

Another book that proved very important to my career in crime fiction was one of Leslie Charteris’ classic stories of The Saint – THE MISFORTUNES OF MR TEAL. My grandmother gave me a copy of this collection of three novellas back in 1979, it having been given to her in the 1940s. I still have that very book, although minus its original dust jacket. To have a reproduction of that bright yellow cover on my stairs would be rather special, don’t you think?



I’d also have to have THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR KHAYYAM, which was a birthday present given to me by my parents to unwrap while I was on a yacht delivery trip the year I turned eighteen. I opened it in the Azores and have enjoyed this influential poem ever since. And yes, I still have that book, too, although I think I prefer this version of the cover.


One of first times I really noticed how beautifully put together a writer’s prose style was, the book was CIDER WITH ROSIE and the writer was Laurie Lee. I’m sure there are more ornate versions of the jacket, but this is the one I remember, with the orange Penguin spine.


That’s four of my nine. And really I have to include George Orwell’s 1984. I no longer have my old copy, and can’t recall the cover, apart from the fact it was a nothing-special edition. Still one of my all-time favourite opening lines, too:

‘It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.’


One of the books that nudged me towards writing crime thrillers has to be Jack Higgins’ THE EAGLE HAS LANDED, with its intriguing mix of heroes, anti-heroes, and a rare strong woman in the spy Joanna Grey. I had a modern version, the cover of which I can’t clearly recall, but some of the earlier ones were far more dramatic, like this example.


And, of course, if I’m going to have a Jack Higgins, only right that I should have another of my favourite early thrillers – THE DAY OF THE JACKAL by Frederick Forsyth. This is the version I have, with the iconic image of De Gaulle’s head in the reticle of the sniper’s scope.


That’s seven. Throw in a Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle – almost any one would do, as I like them all. This early hardcover of THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES is great, though, and provides wonderful contrast with some of the more modern thrillers on my fantasy staircase.


So, I’ve one riser left. What should it be? One of my own, or is that too … vulgar? (And which one would I choose, anyway?)

Should it be a work of non-fiction, a reference book I use all the time, like a ROGET’S THESAURUS. Mine is looking somewhat dog-eared and is certainly well thumbed now. Or a copy of Rosie Garthwaite’s very useful HOW TO AVOID BEING KILLED IN A WAR ZONE. Or even a copy of FORENSICS FOR DUMMIES by D.P. Lyle M.D.?


Any suggestions welcomed – as long as they’re not too rude, of course! And if/when it’s done, I promise to post pictures and a How To guide.

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The Festivals part of this blog is two-fold. Firstly, I was invited to take part in the Chelmorton Festival in the Derbyshire Peak District by fellow author Sarah Ward, whose first book, IN BITTER CHILL, came out in November last year. Sarah did a brilliant job of moderating myself, John Lawton, Daniel Pembrey, Bill Rogers and Michael Wood, keeping the discussion lively.

(l to r) Sarah Ward, Michael Wood, Bill Rogers, Daniel Pembrey, John Lawton, Zoë Sharp at the Chelmorton Festival
Daniel took a mini video for the BritCrime website, which you can see here. And Sarah sent round some pictures of the six of us, doing our bit to an amazingly packed house. Chelmorton also boasts one of the smallest temporary libraries – situated in the local phonebox. A good night was certainly had by the authors, and I hope the audience enjoyed themselves, too. We were even interviewed on local radio station, High Peak, as well – Lawton and I about our joint collaboration project (but more of that at a slightly later date).

§

Finally, to the last part of my blog title. About three or four weeks ago I managed to find myself trapped under twenty-odd sheets of falling plasterboard. No broken bones, but my left knee swelled up quite a chunk and went some very interesting shades of yellow, brown and blue.


And then yesterday I was heaving and riving on a kitchen cabinet, trying to get it onto its fixing, when I heard an ominous snap from my rib cage. This is the sixth time in the last ten years that I’ve cracked a rib, despite a recent bone-density scan which reckons there isn’t any kind of unusual weakness there.

So, I need to take things a little bit easier for the next month or two while it all knits back together. A good excuse to concentrate on finishing the new Charlie Fox novel. Meanwhile, I know I’ve probably got until Sunday evening before it gets too painful to laugh, cough, sneeze, breath deeply, or drive. Until then, I’m making the most of it!

Are you all hale and hearty at the moment, or have you managed to do anything foolish to yourself that you’d like to share in order to make me feel slightly less foolish? Just don’t make me laugh, OK?


Today’s Word of the Week is tenebrific, meaning to produce darkness, from the Latin tenebrae (darkness), and facere (to make). From this we also get tenebrose, meaning dark or gloomy.

20 comments:

  1. This post brings WOW and OUCH immediately to mind. As for not making you laugh, I think the best way for me to do that is have EvKa write my comment.

    Feel better, my love.

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    1. Thanks, Jeff. And you malign poor EvKa who is always entertaining and incisive. :-)

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    2. Only my biting commentary is incisive.

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  2. Challenge accepted.
    Here's a blog about the stairs.
    http://contentinacottage.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/more-book-stairs-to-love.html?m=1

    The bruises look painful. I can sympathise as, not too long ago, I slipped in the kitchen (while chasing my cat) and my ribs collided with the corner of a cupboard. Thankfully my bruises were hidden but it probably took the neighbours ears a while to recover. :) Get well soon!

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    1. Hi Nic. Thanks for that. I've been to Greenville SC, but not for many years. What a great way to liven up a parking garage!

      Ouch on the kitchen fall. What were you doing chasing your cat ...? I confess I yelped a bit when the plasterboard fell on me, but when the ribs went I just cursed a little under my breath. "Dammit, not AGAIN!"

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  3. Oh, Zoe!~ That picture of your poor bruised legs makes me want to come over make you chicken soup! And stand under the ladder to catch you if you fall.

    I want book stairs. No surprise, four of your books would also be mine. Then, the book that made me fall in love with historical fiction. Katherine by the great Anya Seton. My goddess Jane Austen's Persuasion. And John Fowles' The French Lieutenant's Woman. I am beginning to see that I would need four story house. And buckets of paint!
    TAKE CARE!

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    1. That's so sweet of you, Annamaria, but I would hate to fall on anyone for fear of squashing them flat!

      Some lovely choices of books. I think three or four storeys should cover the basic favourites, shouldn't they?

      And yes, I'll try to be careful, but it doesn't always work out very well for me!

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  4. Jeff asked me to pass this on:

    He thinks you should plaster your legs all over the cover of your next Charlie Fox novel, and he promises not to rib you about your pretty ankles. At least not while you're within striking distance of his brittle bones (speaking nothing of his brittle ego).

    As for myself, the book staircase is an interesting exercise, different from the "What ten books would you take to a desert island?" exercise. This one is more of a "What books were most important in your life?" Whittling DOWN the list is the tough part. I'll have to work on this until the tenebrific season returns.

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    1. Thank you for proving me right, EvKa. :)

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    2. I don't often get my legs out, EvKa, for fear of frightening the horses. I groaned louder at your puns than at breaking my bones, I think :-)

      Good luck whittling down the list. It's a tough one unless -- as Annamaria suggests -- you have a house with a lot of stairs!

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    3. Now now, Jeff. Play nice ...

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  5. Actually, my staircase would probably start with "The Boxcar Children" and a Hardy Boys, and somewhere in the middle would be "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "The Lord of the Rings" (which I consumed in high school, or it consumed me... is there a word for "mutual consumption"???) and towards the end of the staircase would be Tim Hallinan's "The Queen of Patpong" (which title in an Amazon email advert caught my eye, and who's ridiculously high e-book price led me to an email exchange with Tim which eventually led me to reading all of his books as well as this blog and many books by the authors of this blog). All the other steps in between? Well, proper cogitation takes ample time...

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    1. Nice choices, EvKa. And I totally agree when it comes to Tim Hallinan's work. He's a wonderful writer and a thoroughly nice guy as well.

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  6. Those bruises look VERY painful. And that's not even counting the rib. I broke a rib once falling down the stairs of a houseboat on Lake Kariba. The wind blew over some wine glasses in the middle of the night and I was afraid people would step on them with bare feet so I headed below deck to fetch a dustpan. No good deed goes unpunished.

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    1. Hi Michael. The bruises were pretty nasty at their most colourful. The rib is just starting to make its presence felt. Changing from fourth to fifth gear in the car is a bit awkward, and sneezing is definitely out!

      Ouch to the falling down the stairs. Boats have a nasty habit of tripping you up, don't they? Did anyone else clear up the glass for you?

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  7. Ooh Zoe, feeling your pain. Slipped on our stairs, which I'd polished silly me, and got similar hues on me bum. Take care!

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    1. You have my sympathies, Cara. Much hard to show off your bruises!

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  8. Sympathy from someone who has flown up stairs, fallen in an elevator and tripped on a broken sidewalk, and broken bones.

    So, take care of yourself. Maybe there is a less dangerous job you could do with less chance of injury?

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    1. So sorry to come so late to this, Kathy, but thank you for the sympathy.

      Less dangerous jobs, certainly? But with risk comes an element of excitement, and you can't be boring all the time, can you? :-)

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