Friday, May 10, 2013

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party

In a perfect world politics would be banned as they get in the way of important stuff.  I don't think we should have politicians, it just encourages a dangerous form of lunacy.  In ancient times, in the Greek city states (the Polis) members of the society were picked at random to run the country for a year or so ( a bit like jury duty). That seemed to work  fine. Jeff  will know more about this!

                                                     Mr Farage - The political everyman

Last week there were local elections in England and the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP)  did very well,  promising  that now they 'will  trigger a political "earthquake" in next year's European parliamentary elections.' That quote is from its charismatic leader, Nigel Farage - a pleasant faced man with a great sense of humour.  Were these the votes of disgruntled Tories? A protest vote of the austerity policies that are being proposed?  

I think at the moment there is a bit of a stand off as the UKIP leader is refusing to negotiate with the PM after Cameron called his party "fruitcakes".
Maybe if you are going to be a politician, you may as well make your lunacy official- then at least the voter knows! When mooching around, I found a copy of the Monster Raving Loony Party's manifesto. Strangely enough they were sponsored by William Hill the bookmakers in the last general election ...
"We believe that parties like the Loony Party are an essential part of British democracy and eccentricity; and that the world would be a poorer place if there was no room in politics for a little harmless levity," said William Hill.
                                                             looks like a good party to be a member of!


The Official Monster Raving Loony Party  was established in 1983 by musician and politician David Sutch (1940–1999), better known as "Screaming Lord Sutch, 3rd Earl of Harrow". It really existed just  to satirise British politics which is a habit of the Oxbridge comedy genre. In the history of British comedy there has been a constancy of similar  concepts, notably the Election Night Special sketch on Monty Python's Flying Circus in which the Silly, Sensible, and Slightly Silly parties stand against each other.  One candidate is called Tarquin Fin Tim Lin Bin Whin Bim Lim bus stop f'tang ftang Ole Biscuit barrel. A sketch  I know so well I can almost quote it off by heart. ('Well this is largely as I predicted except that the silly party won. I think  this is largely due to the  number of votes cast.') What a sad confession is that!
 There was another one by The Goodies where Graeme Garden  stood for Parliament as the Science Loony.

Here are some  highlights from their manifesto which is made up by suggestions from Joe Public;-

To stop young people's excessive drinking and having a good time the politicians  should convert all their 40 bars at Westminster into Milk Bars. Their restaurants should be converted into salad bars to show solidarity with the school children that they encourage to improve health and fitness.

All politicians should be made to stand continually on one leg while making speeches to check how
balanced their arguments are. It should also reduce political flatulence and soothe the listeners' ears.

If you want your kids to be less fat, feed them less.

Make weeding an Olympic sport .

The party should adopt the paint it purple  policy (PIPP). In areas of unemployment ,youth  unemployment and disaffectation every third building in the country should be painted purple. 

All newly trained dentists will be required to have three teeth removed, two fillings and root canal  work done without anaethestic.  So they  will know the  agony they  inflict  on the rest of us.

Follow the leader is a pastime that  has been cast aside by society today and we think it should become an extreme event in the Olympics.
 The national  symbol of England should change from three lions to three badgers.  as we never see lions running around in England. The English should take pride  in their  lack of interesting, wild animals  !
                                            The new English Emblem..cutesville!

All mixed sweets like revels and smarties  should  come  in a clear wrapper so you know the next flavour you are getting and  so that you can remove your favourites  from the bag before you offer them to anybody else.
                                                      Neds - non educated delinquents

Yobs and delinquent youths, seem to like ASBOs- anti social behaviour orders- they  treat them like a  badge of honour.   Instead they  should be called magic pink fluffy bunny awards. No-one not even a  ned (non educated delinquent) would want that. They might also be required to wear a  pink fluffy bunny ears and a badge saying  'I  love the magic pink  fluffy bunny...'


It is proposed  that pets especially dogs and cats may not  be dressed in miniature human clothing for the purpose of human amusement.

Every day the news should tell people an interesting fact  in the hope of increasing people's knowledge. Like the fact the black box flight recorder is yellow.

We will instruct the RSPCA to ensure that all meerkats come in twos to enable the public to effectively compare the meerkat.
Saving fuel? A bungy rope should be attached to all vehicles making a journey. no fuel would be needed for the return journey.

All terrorists should wear bells and whistles so that we know where they are.

Pokemon should be considered an endangered species.

Put all people convicted of anti social behaviour into stocks, this will create a demand for stocks and this will help the stock market.

Superglue unruly teenagers together, as the saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them.

It is proposed that the European union end its discrimination by creating a court of human lefts because their present policy is one sided.

It should be illegal for all super heroes to use their powers for evil.

Anyone allowing their hyena to poop on the pavement should shovel it away immediately, as this is no laughing matter.
Health and safety; We propose to ban self responsibility  on the  grounds that  it is bad for your health.

Issues with the European constitution will be sorted out by going  for a long walk. Everybody knows that walking is good for the constitution.

We will ban all forms of greyhound  racing. This will help stop the  country going to the dogs.

If you have ever seen the British Parliament sitting, then you see that there is some sense in all this.

Caro Britain 10/05/13


  1. TOMRLP has my vote, Caro! But I think they should consider adopting another ancient Greek political practice: ostracism.

    Think of ostracism as the precursor to being voted off the island in the American TV series "Survivor." Once a year, if the Athenians wanted to hold an ostracism, every Athenian had the chance to submit the name of a citizen who should be banished for ten years because he was deemed harmful to the society, political leaders included. The winner went bye-bye.

    Imagine the voter turnout that would draw.

    The one who received the most votes was out of there.

  2. I am fascinated by you writers who produce such compelling, and serious books, and have this wonderful sense of the absurd in these posts. Maybe that's the point. we need humor to balance the darkness of human nature. Anyway, thank you for the smiles this morning.

  3. Hi Jeff

    Yes I believe that is how they stopped anyone become too powerful. Indeed it was believed to be an effective check on dictatorship. Thus any individual becoming too powerful or influential was inevitably ostracised. Wouldn't be a bad thing to bring back given the current level of hubris around politicians today.