Patti’s Aphorisms

Annamaria on Monday

First of all, why "Patti's?" 

Many of you know that my legal name is Patricia King.  My parents named me Patricia because I I was born on St. Patrick's Day.  They were following one of the two common Italian naming customs by calling me after the saint's days when I arrived.  (People named Pasquale or Pasqualina, for instance, were often born on or very close to Easter.)

The name "King" came to me with my first marriage.  I kept it after the divorce because I had a young daughter who whose last name was King. I thought she was going through enough for a three year-old, and I didn't want her to have a different name from her mother.

These days most people call me Pat. Just the other day, for instance, the clerk at the pharmacy asked me my name so he could find my prescription.  I said,"Patricia King."  He proceeded to address me, as most of my friends do these days, as "Pat."  This is not my favorite.  

To me, Pat is a flat word with a flat meaning.  But I answer to it. 'Twas not always so. Starting when I was an infant, I was known to my family and early in my life, to my friends as Patti. (I prefer the Italian spelling, with an 'I' rather than an eye rather than a 'Y.')  My nieces and nephews, my lifelong friends and their children, all of those who knew the young me, still call me Patti or Aunt Patti.  But currently, everyone else says "Pat." Though I am still little, I guess I am not small enough or, more likely, not young enough to be walking around with a diminutive name.

Okay, the title of this blog is out of the way.  Now to its other word, Aphorisms.  Specifically, ones I have coined.  Never fear.  I am not clever enough to have thought up very many.  But for this blog, I have also coined a new one.

Here are two I have had been tossing around for a while:

No adventure worthy of the name 

is fun while you're going through it.

 

This one just fell out of my mouth one day, when my daughter complained during a week in the Caribbean. She was around nine years old and justly upset. we had gotten lost looking for what was supposed to be a beautiful, sequestered  beach. We wound up at the island dump. Since then, I have trotted my saying out a number of times. As far as I can see, the stories people tell when they come home from a trip are the ones about what went wrong--the loss luggage, the wrong turn, ... It seems  a way of celebrating one’s survival. And of course, we all know that every good story has to have trouble in it.

This next saying is a bit long to be an aphorism. I guess I should call it a truism.

People in their 20s and 30s want stuff.

 People in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s want experiences.

 People in their 80s and 90s want help.

Among he illustrations peppered into this post are two of my favorites, coined by witty and wise people.  They are sayings I  quote, by people  cleverer than I.  Here is my new aphorism for today:

  

Artificial Intelligence is to real intelligence as

artificial flowers are to real flowers.

Will this statement stand the test of time?  I doubt it.  For one thing, I don't think is clever enough or nicely stated enough.  It feels true to me, but does it sum up, as I hope the others do, a complex concept in a few words?

Besides, AI bots are scraping the entire internet, including Murder is Everywhere, with their insatiable appetite for grist for AI mill.  When the AI bots find my thirteen words characterizing AI as dull and disappointing, if AI really achieves its full potential of independent thinking, it will see my statement as an insult and delete my words.  Maybe this whole post will disappear.

If you are here and you see that happening, it will be time to become afraid of AI.     

The World in a Phrase

This isn’t my title (though I wish it was).  It’s the title of a delightful book by James Geary subtitled A Brief History of the Aphorism.  Aphorisms are quite hard to define.  It’s a bit like good art: hard to define, but you know one if you see one.

Geary states the five laws of the aphorism.  Like most such laws, they allow you to say conclusively when something is not an aphorism, but many things might fit them that we wouldn’t recognize as aphorisms at all.  Anyway, here they are:

1.       It must be brief
2.       It must be definitive
3.       It must be personal
4.       It must have a twist

5.       It must be philosophical.

Ambrose Bierce

Right. Of course he gives a few wonderful examples to illustrate the laws. My favorite is the one he uses for 'definitive': Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. This, of course, was Samuel Johnson developing his dictionary. On the whole he seems to have been a rather rude and rough character who – as another quote has it – had the good fortune to have a genius for a biographer. The 'personal' aspect might be illustrated by Ambrose Bierce (who also wrote a dictionary – the wicked Devil’s one) who disagreed with Johnson. Patriotism, he declared, is the first refuge of the scoundrel. I can’t resist adding another of Bierce’s definitions here: Misfortune, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

This is another example that seems to me to fit the laws pretty well: The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. You need to think about that one, but not for too long…

The book actually is a history. Aphorisms have been popular for a long time and the sayings of Confucius, Buddha, Muhammed, Jesus all include them. They go back to classical times and up to the present day. Geary takes us through the centuries, and it's fun to follow the development. Perhaps the more recent ones are the most amusing, but that may be because we attach excessive reverence to the ancient ones. Often the humor is there. Example: Trust in God, but tie up your camel.

Oscar Wilde

It’s fascinating to see how certain themes make their way through the ages. For example, La Rochefoucauld said in the seventeenth century: In the adversity of even our best friends we always find something not wholly displeasing.  Oscar Wilde took up the idea two hundred years later and quipped: Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others. Bierce is more bitter: Back n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

There are plenty for authors and readers too. Groucho Marx always had a different take on things: Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Or Harold Macmillan (best read aloud): I like to take a Trollope to bed, but if one is not available I'll settle for a Wodehouse.

The World in a Phrase finishes with the modern aphorism.  We’ve had plenty of witty minds in our own times.  I’ll finish with a few of my favorites:

I don't know who I am. Anonymous.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there. Josh Billings.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing has happened. Winston Churchill.

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. Bob Dylan.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Mahatma Ghandi.

Men don’t protect you anymore. Jenny Holzer (on condom wrappers).

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. Stanislaw Lec.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left. Bertrand Russell.

Mae West

It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men. Mae West. 

I hope you’ll add a comment with a few favorites of your own!  The one posted in the next week that our independent judge likes the best will earn an advance reader copy of our new novel – Death of the Mantis – due out next month. The judge will stay anonymous.  The said judge pointed out Louis XIV's comment on raising people to the nobility. Every time he did it, he said he “created one ingrate and a thousand enemies."

Oh, and the camel?  That was the Prophet Muhammed.

Michael - Thursday