I have been very jealous if these other MIE types who are in lovely places at the moment. I have spent the last week in computer hell while watching the different colour of weather warnings flash up on the screen.
I'm under the yellow bit
Also, this week we could not pay our staff any wages (this is due to an internet glitch at the bank ) so I am in
hiding in case they catch me or punch me or kill me and sell my body parts on
the internet.
They would then have to divide up the 40p between them.
From the TV Drama Threads....
One of my favourite quotes about Glasgow is from the
wondrous Billy Connolly. I think I have used it here before. “The great thing about Glasgow now is that if
there is a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards”
I was scouting round the net for some anti Scottish
sayings and they are very difficult to find as all things about Scotland are
marvellous in every way – except the weather, the politicians, the economy, the
food, the people, our neighbours down south.
We do have good scenery.
When you can see it!
Samuel
Samuel Johnson was not a fan. Well, we know that it took
Robbie Coltrane to advise him to put Aardvark in the dictionary, near the
front. And that he might have missed out contrafibularity.
I will forgive but not forget.
Robbie being Samuel
Here are some of Sammy’s observations.
"Scotland is a vile country, though God made it, but we
must remember that he made it for Scotsmen, and comparisons are odious, but God
also made Hell."
(Hell might be warmer. I am writing this blog with the
heating on full, the wood burner on max and I have my anorak round my shoulders)
Samuel also said… "Oats: a grain which in England is generally
given to a horse, but in Scotland it supports the people."
"Much may be made of a Scotsman, if he is caught young."
"The noblest prospect which a Scotsman ever sees, is the
high road that leads him to England." (Caro snorts in outrage!)
He looks a right barrell of laughs...
And then there was Charles Lamb. "I have been trying all my life to like
Scotsmen, and am obliged to desist from the experiment in despair"
What does he know.
Or Sidney Smith
"It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into
a Scotsman's understanding." (I think readers of this blog will doubt that very much
or will be too scared to agree to it!)
"Scotsmen take all they can get - and a little more if
they can…"
Or as we say…
"Give a Scotsman an inch and he'll take a mile."
One I do like is….
"Three failures and a fire make a Scotsman's fortune."
I found a few
websites dedicated to the subject of annoying Scottish people. They seem like an instruction manual as if
Scotty baiting was some kind of national sport. None of them have annoyed me in
the past although I have been the subject of all of them. I just put it down to
the jealousy of the English as they can’t be Scots and deep down inside, they
really desire to be. But can’t cope with the midges. Can anybody!!
So in no particular order...
People shouting “Och aye the noo!” at me. He was a native
American- oh no, that was Hawk Eye The Noo. (See above point about sense of
humour!)
Calling me English. I don’t find it offensive, I just
think it’s bloody obvious that I am not. And never accuse me of being Welsh
that’s just unfair!
teee heeee
I once spent a whole dinner party being asked to say the words.
There’s been a murder, purple, film, burger, corduroy and curly wurly. Anybody
with any sense knows that the word film has got two syllables fil and um.
Asking me if I
believe in Nessie then arguing with me when I say yes. Our monster, leave her alone. she supports our economy.
When folk say they have never been to Scotland, but think
it’s nice. Stay away. If you can’t make the effort to waterproof
yourself then you don’t deserve the majesty of our land/culture/football team/tatan stuff in general.
I did nearly smack
somebody in the kisser when they were surprised that Scotland a) had opera, b)
the opera is based in Glasgow and c) it is quite good. But not many open air
performances for obvious reasons.
It doesn’t annoy me at all when folk claim their great-great-great-great
grandfather was Scottish, so that means they are too. The more the merrier but
don’t all come back at once or the British Isles will tip over. The ancestry
thing is problematic, John Barrowman, no thanks, (Canadian Scot) but Chris
Hadfield, Oh yes (Canadian Scot.) We can afford to pick and choose as Scots get everywhere and breed ( see accents below)
pseudo Scot
Never call a kilt a skirt unless you are two young to
know the difference - about three years of age max...
Visitors who moan about the rain can also so away – they say how beautiful
and green the country is, like those two things are in no way related.
And sometimes they act as if there are only two places in
Scotland. Glasgow… and the other one…
Folk say that we pronounce things
incorrectly and then say that we don’t speak English. We do, it’s just not
their English. I have to work hard to understand them, but we don’t get the
same allowance. Eeejits. Loch is not difficult to say. Ecclefechan is. I have
been told that a Scottish accent is very sexy so we have to learn to cope with
all that attention…( see ancestry above)
Sexy accent Scot
Some people go mental when there is a yellow weather warning for
rain. Scotland is the country in the forecast picture that is under the symbol
for ‘yellow warning for rain’ the hot bit at the bottom of the map can be
annoying too when they are at Wimbledon on their Vest and shorts while we are
in wellies and wrap round duvets.
And never wonder aloud what a “real Scotsman” wears under his kilt.
Just pick it up and look if you are brave enough? NO? Well that’s and end to
that then!
And yes we are a bit crap at some sports at the moment
but we did invent a fair few so gies a break, we are just letting the rest of
the world have a chance.
It has been said that all Scots are liars. Not true, but we do adjust out history
as it suits us. See point above about sport. And ancestry
Scotch is Scotch. It is a drink not a person, a race or an
adjective. Whiskey is never Scotch. Neither is anything American especially Mel
Gibson. As he is Australian. Or something.
The terms
“England”, “Great Britain”, and “United Kingdom” all refer to a slightly
different thing.
Editors not knowing that “outwith” is a word. As is wee.
And shuddery.
Cheerie!
Caro 29 01 2016
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