Talking to Myself

 Annamaria on Monday

I think my current attempts to master dictation have been aided by the fact that, over the past year, I have developed a habit of talking to myself.  I don't remember who it was, but once in my deep past I spoke to someone who admitted that he talked to himself.  He said, “Why not? I like to talk to an intelligent person, and I like to hear an intelligent person talk.” I don’t share his sentiments. I would rather talk to another human being, and I know for certain that it would be more interesting to me to hear another person's words, instead of just my own.

 

I have however been talking to myself quite a bit of late. I was comforted to learn, from a psychologist on the radio, that this new habit isn't a sign of insanity. It is actually not at all a bad thing to do, especially when one is in pandemic-induced solitary confinement.

 

 

Sometimes, when I am talking to myself, I am actually speaking to a person who is not present, frequently to a person whose presence I sorely miss. I am 92.96% certain that I am not the only human on earth to have developed this habit over the last 14 months.

 

 

I readily admit that I have always talked to myself as a writer, words of encouragement or words of caution. Here are some of the phrases that I have found helpful:

 

When Drafting  

 

I tell myself: “It doesn't have to be good.  It just has to exist.  Then, it can become good.”

 

Having instilled this attitude in myself over a long period of time, I find it helps me keep going when I am second-guessing myself.  Somehow, and don't ask me how, my characters seem to know better than I what the story needs to be. Second-guessing them only gets in the way. Even when I know I am writing drivel, I force myself to keep going.

 

Aside: I just sneezed. The dictation function in Word listened to my sneeze and typed this: “serious.” Should I tell it that I don't have covid, just spring allergies? 

 

To take up where I left off, here’s another thing I tell myself when drafting: “Stop here! Don't finish this sentence.  You are going to have to quit for the day in the next few minutes.  Since you know the rest of this sentence, when you come back you will be able to pick up where you left off and get right back into the story.”  I find this technique almost magical. All I will have to do when I get back to the computer keyboard is read the last paragraph or two, finish that sentence with the words I had in mind, and then I am off and running. 

While Editing 

 

“Less is more.” This is a constant reminder to myself. The advice applies particularly, I think, to historical novelists.  We research and research and then are sorely tempted to dump all those fascinating little tidbits of history into the story. I allow myself to regurgitate them into the first draft, but when editing I force myself to cut them out and toss them away . Alternatively, of course, I can write a blog about them. The thing is that, in the editing stage, I will understand much more clearly what the story needs. Then, I can choose the most telling detail—one that will tell the reader something about where the story is going , or better yet, something about the character and what she is thinking. 

 

VERBS! 

 

Lots of times I find my draft sentences are extraordinarily complex with lots of participial phrases, many of them. When editing, I find every time I have used the verb “to be.” Action verbs are what a really good story needs most. They keep the narrative lively and make moving pictures in the minds of the readers. I take each page circle  all the forms of “to be.” I try to find ways to recast the sentences so that the verbs are active. I allow myself only three “to be” verbs on a page.  This is a tedious task. I have to talk to myself a lot to keep at it.  The words often come to me in the scolding voice of Sister Mary Catharine, my professor of writing and wonderful mentor whose memory I revere,  because she would never stand for less than my very best.

 

Lots of times , when I am writing , particularly when I am editing myself, the voice in my head is hers . But I did make up one admonition for myself.  Here it is: 

 

Every once in a while, write a three-word sentence. 

 

 

By the way: It is impossible for me to find proper illustrations for this discourse. But I think it's probably awfully dull, and I want to liven it up with photos.  The ones here today are pictures of places that I wish I could have visited over the past 14 months. Or—I say with hope in my heart—that I will visit in the next fourteen.