SkyMAll

Yesterday I made 3 different flights, which in itself is not interesting to anyone and I will not bore you with the details of each. What I would like to share with you is that I bought a book at the first airport to have something to read on board. The book I picked up was more than awful, it was sadly, sadly lacking in all respects. I have no one but myself to blame for this purchase since it came with a warning and I should therefore have seen it coming. You see, the title included the word Pyramid, as well as the word Doom, both dead giveaways but together, well. I don‘t know how I could have been so stupid but I am a long time sucker for such titles, despite always, always being hugely disappointed and ending up trying to hide the cover from those I meet. What did surprise me though is that I am not alone in having such a horrible taste, the book was actually on the best seller list.

The book was basically unreadable – to give you an idea the protagonist trio consisted of a very sexy female archeologist + a cheerleader who was studying archeology + an ex-special forces hunk, and the bad guy was just shy of holding a white cat and laughing evilly. The villain, although not holding a cat, was plotting world domination and get this: by opening up a bakery business selling bread baked with yeast from the Egyptian Pharos that provided eternal life. This is where I put the book down. Having nothing to do I started looking at the magazines in the seat pocket „in front of me“ and found a catalog of sorts which I have seen on numerous flights before but never opened. It is called SkyMall and is supposed to allow passengers to shop while flying. I don‘t think you get the actual merchandise onboard considering what monstrosities they had on offer but this magazine was just wonderful, it was so weird. It is also online( www.skymall.com) if you are ever bored or have the urge to see how much incredibly ridiculous stuff is available in the world. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Easter Island Head: Astound and impress guests at your next Polynesian luau with our exclusive, heavyweight, six-foot-tall King Moai, inspired by the 380 A.D. Easter Island originals. Said to represent gods, ancestors, or powerful kings, our Toscano-exclusive replica features the broad nose, strong chin and the rectangular ears of its ancient cousins. Our South Seas statement piece is cast in quality designer resin with a rough, chiseled faux stone finish.

Firstly, to hold „your next Polynesian luau“ one would have to have held one previously which I cannot believe applies to many. Secondly, sitting on a plane with your liquids limited to 500 ml and your leg space to that enough for merely the toes, a 6 ft tall head is somehow not appropriate. Unless it entices by precisely the implication of space. And how much does this cost? A mere 999 dollars. What a bargain.

But if you think 6ft is not impressive enough, SkyMAll has an even bigger garden statue available, namely, Boris the Brontosaurus, a product described as: Our most spectacular outdoor sculpture EVER wandered in from the Jurassic period! Larger-than-life and equally dramatic, our seven-foot-tall sauropod is head-and-shoulders above all other garden sculptures we've ever offered! Our artists captured every detail of this attention-demanding beast, then cast it in 238 lbs. of high-quality designer resin and hand-painted it with utmost authenticity. Though the brontosaurus originally fed in the grasslands, our sure-to-impress fellow is just as happy lounging next to your pool, feeding along your garden path or peering over your neighbor's fence. Nothing short of amazing, our imposing signature piece will have guests talking non-stop about this exclusive Jurassic giant! For easy assembly, ships in 4 pieces. Bring inside during freezing temperatures.

There is so much wrong with the text that I don‘t know where to begin. If I limit my comments I would have to mention the big drawback of having to take it in during winter and also positioning it to peer over your neighbor‘s fence. The price is nothing short of robbery, 1950 dollars. For that you would think they could provide a tail without the three joints visible in the photo.

And there is more, much more. All sorts of ramps and steps to assist your pets in getting onto the furniture or into your bed. A lamp in the shape of a woman, lifesize but with no head. In its place is a lampshade. The decapitated lamp-woman seems to be giving the homeowners the finger. Alas, no more space, no more time. I would have loved to list more but I have to stop. I need to send my architect and e-mail with the photo of the Polonesian head, pretending to want at least three installed in our yard instead of the fengshui stones presently on the drawings.

I will ask for at least one of the three to be positioned to peek into our neighbor‘s yard.

Yrsa - Wednesday