A Story Untold

 

This is a very welcome guest blog from my friend Andrew, fellow writer and pharmacist extraordinaire. His writing garners praise from those such as Belinda Bauer, so he's no mean scribbler. He does not write crime fiction, he writes other stuff..... like err...well other stuff.

Here he outlines the bodies of work that he may or may not have finished..... 

Stories Untold

'I'm writing a novel.'

'Yes, neither am I.'  

That Peter Cook sketch quote sums up my writing nicely.

Unlike the distinguished authors of this blog site, I've never written a book. Well, I've never written a book that's been published. Mostly, this is because I rarely complete them – the cardinal sin for any writer. My dedication to the hard graft wanes with my mediocrity (evident with sentences like that one).

Yet, despite this, I feel compelled to keep going.

I can't help myself. My imagination knows no bounds. Story ideas come to me all the time. Granted, most are of dubious merit, but I note them all down regardless.

I'd like to share some of the better ones with you for this blog. I'll let you decide on their quality. Some are little more than a title. Some I nearly finished. All are stories currently untold.

Four Funerals and an Apocalypse -. A quest to kill the Four Horsemen before they bring about the end of the world. A black comedy starring a hapless Hugh Grant-style hero set in fantasy times.

The Vegan Undead – what do zombies eat when they can't stomach flesh? The greengrocer on Supernatural Street sees a business opportunity—a new spin on getting your five-a-day.    

Murderaware.org – an anonymous self-help counselling service for murderers. Think Samaritans for Serial Killers.

The Needs of the Many – dystopian environmental sci-fi about overpopulation. And its sequel, The Land of Hand Me Downs – the story continues after fresh resources run out.

Of Lice and Men – a head louse detective and his pensioner host investigate the Suicide Bug. "A head-scratcher."

The Night Clubber – a killer is brutally murdering the city's clubbers, but the police have no clue as to his identity – no witnesses, no CCTV, no DNA. He simply vanishes into the night. Renowned internet crank Percy McSoftly claims the killer is supernatural, linking the murders to similar cases from a century earlier. But ghosts don't exist. Do they?

The Hand-Out Error – a pharmaceutical inspector investigates a pharmacy incident where a patient died after receiving the wrong medication. The processes point to human error, but something doesn't add up. Could it be murder?

Back For More – "Secrets can't stay hidden forever." Roy has everything: a loving family, a high-flying career and a secret capable of tearing it all apart. His first wife knows what it is. Now she's back for more.

Samberly Cliffs – Robert Sangster declared in his will that his property, Samberly Cliffs, be torn down after his death and the land remain undeveloped, an instruction his nephew Jeremy, the lone beneficiary, has no intention of following. Ignoring the local folklore of monsters lurking in the caves below and the proximity to an infamous cliff-top suicide spot, Jeremy intends to turn a profit. The renovations are only the start of his problems. Think "Homes Under The Hammer Films".    

From Death to Divinity: The Sacred Heart of Sagemore Hospital – Father Jack Muldoon can't find the words to pray as his mother undergoes a revolutionary heart operation. He lost his faith many years ago as an army pastor. Then, religious fanatics attack the hospital, taking everyone hostage. Can he stop them in time to save his mom's life? Think "Die Hard in a Hospital" with a bloody twist.

Then there was this one that came so close – fully outlined, half written, then I lost confidence.

                                                         
Luck be a Lady (Paisley Curse Book One) – In an alternative present-day Paisley, dubbed Britain's unluckiest town, Basil returns home, having lost his job, his girlfriend and his last living relative. Feeling cursed and all alone, except for Prince, his deceased grandmother's mongrel, he reconnects with old friend Shuggie and dreams of reuniting with his first crush, Lydia, whilst joining the local dog walkers' fight to save the local beauty spot. In doing so, he discovers that luck is not entirely a game of chance, especially when up against Council Leader Edith McKie. To save the Braes and win his girl, it's going to take Basil a lot more than 'lucky white heather' to break his Paisley Curse. Odds are he's going to lose everything.

 Finally, I give you my current work in progress, a tale so long in the telling it will be historical fiction by the time it's completed. I'm on my third draft.

School of Thought – 'a disabled teenager enrols her mind at an extraordinary school in the clouds.' Think Hogwarts meets Alice in Wonderland.  

So, why submit this piece to a crime writers' blog? I believe not writing these stories is a crime. I’m guilty as charged. Punishment: write two thousand words a day until published.

(all art generated by Microsoft's new Copilot – it likes cute – it doesn't like murder)