Friday, March 16, 2018

From the mouths of Babes...

 Twitter was wittering this week about those dreadful situations when the brain is working hard, maybe multitasking and the mouth suddenly gets involved and blurts out something inappropriate and often hilarious…

Like the man who said a confused  "Many thank you" to a woman in a shop.”
Or the young gentleman whose colleague asked very politely if she could ask a question.  His brain was thinking along the lines of  “fire away” or “go ahead” but his mouth said  “go away”.

 And we feel the mortification of the cat owner walking along the street. A woman, walking her dog passed and the dog stopped to have a sniff. The cat owner said, ‘I bet he can smell my pussy.’
Or in a bistro in France, a young English lady was having some pea soup. She didn’t  think she’d like it but  she really did, she loudly declared “you can really taste the pea-ness.”

And asking for a packet of smokey bacon crisps….  but actually asking for a  "smacket of pokey acon"  . And a kid who asks for ‘cock prawntail crisps.’  Or maybe you might fancy some  “stiffy cocky pudding”.  Somebody actually did go into a cinema and ask for ‘Large Cockporn.’  Maybe that was the name of the film… but I wouldn’t know. I think that one might stay with me, as has the word minnellium  when I mean millennium. And irrelevant can become illrevelant.
A common one on the twitter thread was replying ‘You too,’ when somebody wishes you a happy birthday.

Or the poor man who  said ‘Congratulations.’  At a FUNERAL!
We did have a boy at school who once said  ‘Thanks Dad,’ when the physics teacher handed him a Bunsen burner. ( They weren’t related ) In a similar vein, some poor sod has a terrible habit of getting off the bus, waving and saying ‘Bye Mum.’
Imagine answering the phone at work and thinking ‘Can I help you’ or ‘Please hold for a moment’ when the mouth goes into motion and says  ‘Can I hold you’

And how much concentration does it need to answer the phone correctly.  Imagine answering the phone at work and saying ‘Hello. Can you help me?’
And when the plumber comes to your house and comments 'I've got the same wall tiles as you'  and you reply… 'I know'. That’s kind of spooky and could maybe lead to a rather good crime novel…

A great one on twitter was the young man who caught sight of a female ex boss. From across the street he wanted to make himself known and as his brain tussled between Hi and Hello,  his mouth settled the issue for him and came up with a shout of ‘Ho.’
Dearie me. Imagine leaving the office on the Friday of a bank holiday,  and as you go out the door  your brain is thinking ‘Have a nice weekend,’   or’ have a nice bank holiday.’  And settled for ‘nice bank holiday’ but substituted  a 'w' for the 'b'.  Ouch!

Here’s a quote from the tittersphere..’This thread is hilarious. And this one reminds me off the time I asked for £200 worth of Friss Wanks in the Post Office.’
And we can all empathise with the man who was spelling out his rather long  surname over the phone  and  began with "M for millipede...".. then, instead of his name, he  proceeded to spell out 'millipede'.

I guess it’s easy to be in a shop, choosing a birthday card., The brain is saying birthday birthday birthday so when the card is purchased and the change is handed back over, instead of saying ‘thank you,’ the mouth says ‘Happy Birthday.’
Aiming for the words Cheeky Piglet, I once called a puppy a peeky chiglet.

Caro Ramsay  16 03 2018


  1. I once had a problem with two friends. I used to swap their first names unless I concentrated. The problem is solved. I don't have the friends anymore...

  2. My nephew at age five once announced, from the back seat of the car, that he wanted to eat at Kenfucky Tried Chicken.

  3. And let’s not forget the young laddie who told his teacher that his parents had taken him to see “Willie Wanker in the Chocolate Factory.”

  4. And then there was the time, about 10 years ago, when my mid-80s folks were with my sister, and she was going to take her car through a car wash, and the young man working the car wash asked, "Do you just want a wash, or do you want a blow job?" Once the laughing died down and it was determined that the young man was going to survive the embarrassment, they realized that he meant to ask if she wanted a WAX job.

  5. don't forget the highly respected historical academic speaking of her research "...yes I get out on the streets..."