Thursday, December 13, 2012

My last cricket blog!


In my last blog, I tried to describe the excitement and tension surrounding a cricket Test Match that ended having no result.

That match – the second Test Match between South Africa and Australia – was (somewhat surprisingly) followed by the third Test Match.  This turned out to be another thriller, particularly for South Africa.  The match saw South Africa give Australia a drubbing, winning by over 300 runs.  This kept South Africa as the top team in cricket.

Judging by the flood of emails I received enquiring about the rules of cricket, I will devote this blog to a brief synopsis of them.  I’m sure this will clarify things for you.

Here they are:

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in, and the next man goes in until he’s out.

When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in, and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires, who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

Got it?

Actually these rules were dreamed up in the 1970’s by an enterprising English marketing genius as something to sell, printed on tea towels or parchment paper, to the type of American tourist who, when visiting London, buys plastic bobby helmets as a memento of their visit.  The same tourist who believes that 98% of England speaks Cockney and the rest are relatives of the queen.


Everyone who enjoys cricket has been given these rules as a Christmas present at one time or another, usually by some well-meaning soul, usually an aunt.  The appropriate response, of course, is to immediately burn said present and scatter the ashes in the garden.

‘Nuff said.

Wishing you all a very fine festive season and a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2013.

Cheers – hic!


Stan - Thursday

7 comments:

  1. Speaking of ashes, the test matches between England and Australia are played for the Ashes. It is a great trophy and both sides want to take the Ashes home having triumphed over the other. This trophy is fought for particularly hard ... since it does not actually exist.

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  2. Oh, now that's perfectly clear :) Looking forward to the next Kubu.

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  3. Have you ever heard of "t ball"? No, not Tebow--though he's been heard of even less these days--t ball.

    You start with a pedestal, a bat, and a little slugger (boy or girl will do). Then you place an object upon said pedestal that the little tyke will hopefully blast off into space through the use of an appropriate application of force from the bat.

    Your rules belong on a different sort of pedestal, no matter what you think I may be thinking. Happy Holidays, Stan.

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  4. Great stuff Stan.

    Now I think everyone's ready for your next blog - the LBW laws. Also can't wait for your guide to ther Duckworth Lewis method...

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  5. That match – the second Test Match between South Africa and Australia – was (somewhat surprisingly) followed by the third Test Match. This turned out to be another thriller, particularly for South Africa. The match saw South Africa give Australia a drubbing, winning by over 300 runs. This kept South Africa as the top team in cricket.Cricket

    ReplyDelete