I think we are on a Bouchercon Hiatus. That sounds like a
medical condition where a proctologist might be of some use.
Meanwhile, here’s one of those blogs based on something that
flicks up on Facebook every so often.
This was also inspired also by Annamaria's recent blog about those tropes that happen in films or TV series all the
time….with my twist.
I hope all those in New Orleans are having a great time, and
are asking panellists deep and incisive questions, like Where Do You Get Your Ideas
From? How do you counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor?
And as Annamarie hinted, here’s what happens
in films where nobody has any great ideas.
1)
The time of death is incredibly accurate to provide
the main suspect with an alibi.
2)
The detective who solves the case, will be suspended
from that same case, within the first three minutes of the episode, by the
person mention in the next point.
3) All detectives have a boss who is an idiot (that
might be true in other walks of life also)
4) One tiny light from a phone or a single cigarette
lighter, will illuminate the entire park and show where the dead body is very clearly.
5)
CSIs with very long hair, will wear their hair
down and impeccably styled, then pick up a single hair from the scene with a
pair of tweezers and proclaim the name of the suspect.
6)
Woman can run in high heels.
7)
Nobody buys any shopping, but the fridge is
always full.
8)
Nobody goes to the toilet for the normal reasons,
they go to talk about the case – or to hide by sitting up on the toilet lid like a
distressed squirrel.
9)
Typing anything into a search engine comes back
with the result wanted, instantly... sometimes after a long stream of tech gobbledegook - I think EvKa admires this very much.....
10 Dogs
know goodies from baddies, instantly. And they never need to go to the toilet
either.
11 Any
well-behaved dog that doesn’t come back when called, has found a body. Or a hand as Annamaria said. Or any body part...
12 Parking
on the top floor of a multi-story car park, ends up with somebody clinging on
the wall with a very long drop below them. Goodie will grab their wrists;
baddies will stand on any visible fingers.
13 Any
fights in a UK TV series will be started by a drunk Glaswegian, especially if
set in A and E
14 At
the bar, the seat next to the person the detective wants to speak to, is always
free. As is the barman.
15 In
a UK crime series, the lift in a high rise is always broken.
16 Victims
killed in their bedrooms will inevitably have a white carpet.
17 When two non-English speakers speak to each
other, they will do it in English with an accent borrowed from their native language,
even if their native language is the same.
18 There
will be a handy parade close by when a suspect is running through the city streets.
St Patricks Day, A Santa's parade etc. There’s scope here for a passing pipe
band to be involved. The noise of the bagpipes will drown out any calls for help
or screams from the victim.
19 Car
wheels make skidding noise even on non skiddable surfaces.
20 Mobile
phone batteries die the minute the phone is really needed.
H Happy Bouchercon
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