Murder is Everywhere: The Jokes Are On MIE...err, Me

Saturday–Jeff

^{Late last
night we returned to America from Greece.
Today we spent most of our day attempting to unpack while catching up on
cable news’ take on the state of our nation.
The more we learned via the latter, the less committed were we to
achieving the former. After all, with
each new snippet of news on what’s happening across America, the more
counterintuitive unpacking became.}

^{It was
during one of those reflective moments that I realized it was Friday and I had
a blog due to go up at midnight (if in the Eastern US Time Zone). After a day
of reflecting on the human condition (USA version 2023) I had no appetite for extending
my serious mood in my blogpost. And I thought you might be looking for a bit of
a smile too.}

^{So, for you
play-on-words fans, here’s a dozen and a half chuckles with a somewhat
international cast to them.}

^*****

^{I never thought orthopedic
shoes would really work for me, but I stand corrected.}

^{Once upon a time there was a king who
was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.}^{A Mexican magician said he will
disappear on the count of 3. He says, “"Uno, dos.” Poof. He disappeared
without a tres.}^{I wrote a book on how to fall down
the stairs. It’s a step by step guide.}^{My son was chewing on electric cords,
so I had to ground him. It’s OK, though. He’s doing better and conducting
himself properly.}^{My friend claims that he
“accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe
him. But that's his story and he’s sticking to it.}^{“Doctor, my child swallowed a roll of
film. What should I do?”}^{“Let’s wait and see if anything
develops.”}^{An armed man ran into a real estate
agency and shouted, “Nobody move.”}^{Got drunk yesterday and threw up in
the elevator on my way back home. It was disgusting on so many levels.}^{Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety
medication? For Hispanic attacks.}^{I asked the surgeon if I could
administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Sure. Knock yourself out!”}^{I got into a fight today with 1, 3,
5, 7 and 9. The odds were really against me.}^{In Britain it’s called a lift but
Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently}^{97% of people are stupid. Glad I’m in
the other 5%.}^{Can someone please tell me what
LGBTQ+ stands for? Nobody is giving me a straight answer.}