A visit to see the pantomime at this time of year is part of
British tradition.
So how does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan,
crisp and even.
Yip, the old ones are the best and that is exactly the (low) standard of humour in the politically incorrect, cross dressing, sparkling world
of the pantomime. And yes, it is for kids. But kids of all ages.
Small children get wound up to a state of apoplexy by it. I
took my friend a few years ago, an Australian- who had grown up in the bush
type of Aussie. Apart from the fact he only understood every second word, he
soon got the hang of it and was ready for lamping the villain if he came within
striking distance of his didgeridoo. That’s a panto type of joke. And the
response to didgeridoo would be 'didgeridon’t'.
Of course.
It’s the time when every theatre owner breathes a sigh of
relief as panto is the one big sell out of the year and fills the coffers for
the next twelve months of the Duchess Of Malfi.
Glasgow always has three going over the festive season. The
Kings has a posh one which will have proper singers, maybe real ponies and
maybe a bit of genuine ballet in it somewhere. The Pavilion will have anarchy, lots of Glasgae
sing-alongs, kids on stage, custard pies in the face, the pantomime cow will be break wind centre stage and the jokes will be clever,
risqué and political. The Armadillo has a lavish, expensive production with
lots of special effects. The pantomime cow's digestive issues will still get the biggest laugh though.
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Don't go near the back end!!!
Stay at the udder end!
Wikipedia says it ‘developed from the dell'arte tradition of Italy. The word
pantomime comes from the Greek word παντόμιμος (pantomimos), meaning pantomimic
actor, consisting of παντο- (panto-) meaning "all", and μῖμος (mimos)
meaning "imitator" or "actor", via the Latin word pantomīmus.
A "pantomime" in Ancient Greece was originally a group who
"imitates all" accompanied by sung narrative and instrumental music,
often played on the flute.
Pantomime is vaguely, very vaguely based on a traditional
children's story. Usually Cinderella, Aladdin, Dick Whittington, Jack and the
Beanstalk etc. but what you see on the stage will have nothing to do with the story, so a
narrator appears to tell you what has happened in the narrative while the glittering anarchy goes on….
The plot, and often the script, goes out the window. Well loved panto stars get the audience in on the joke, the ad
libbing, the scenery wobbling, jokes based on the news that day, the latest sex scandal, the banking crisis….
But done in such a way that it goes over
the heads of younger members of the audience.
The principle boy is
played by a girl, with a very short skirt on and long boots, and usually a low
cut top. She will be played by a pretty young thing, a tv weather girl or Australian
soap star or glamour model. It is said it can be useful if she has no sense of
humour or is in possession of a low intellect so she will carry on with the
script manfully, as the maelstrom of madness
goes on around her.
The principal girl
will also be played by a girl, but a more demure one. In a frock that will be
pink and sparkly.
Somewhere will be a dame, played by a man.
Or ugly sisters played by two men. Or one man twice.
The narrator will be a sensible actor, usually a bit past
his sell by date and the audience will keep thinking 'now what has he been in
again?'
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oh yes it is!
There is a huge amount of audience participation, kids
really get into it, Anytime somebody says ‘oh yes we are', the audience
scream 'oh no you’re not'….. and an argument will start between the audience and the actor. There are songs, based
on current pop tunes, but with the lyrics rewritten to fit the story. The narrator
conducts the audience in singing along as the words appear on the side of the
castle, the beanstalk, the backside of the pantomime cow. One side of the
theatre has to out sing the other….
At various points the goodie will be on the run from the
villain. She will be centre stage. The villain
will creep up behind her… At this
point the audience scream 'He’s behind you' (see Lynda Regan's crime novel of the same name for a panto based murder). To which the goodie suddenly becomes
deaf ( maybe from the deafening singing that has gone on beforehand) and walks
to the left to hear better, stalked by
the villain. Children choke on their ice cream and wet themselves with the tension.
The villain gets hissed and booed every time he appears on stage. He will probably be the butt of a lot of in-jokes about
an unpopular politician , but then there are loads of them to choose from.
Recently there has been a trend to have a huge American star
appearing, with might deflect from the true nature of the panto, but it does
get more bums on seats. Pamela Anderson, David Hasselhoff and Priscilla Presley have all been tempted to tread the boards. If the star joins in with the nonsense, then it can really do their
career good – on the basis that if you
do that under pressure you can cope with almost anything.
My favourite smutty story was the great Sir Ian McKellen (2004 Widow Twankey , Aladdin)
"lets down his hair and lifts up his skirt to reveal a nifty pair of legs
and an appetite for double entendre” said a critics, but another quote was "At least we can tell our grandchildren that we
saw McKellen's Twankey and it was huge.'
Yip, that is Ian McKellen
Some jokes…
Why was Cinderella such a poor football player ?
She had a pumpkin for a coach !
What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her
photographs ?
Someday my prints will come !
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich ?
Because the poor didn't have any money !
Stalwarts of the Glasgow panto scene are John Barrowman and
The Krankies. He’s a very handsome Glaswegian/Canadian. They are a couple. Ian
and Janet – they found fame as a double
act on children’s Tv with the diminutive
Janet playing a naughty school boy and Ian
playing the straight man.
She is
rarely is out the naughty wee boy persona, she gets flung around over us head she climbs bean
stalks, she gets beaten up... she’ll be 68 this year.
Ian and Janet as they are in real life...
Life can be strange...
Hope you had a good holiday. And wishing you all a happy, prosperous, healthy and creative 2015
Caro Ramsay 26th Dec 2014
