Sunday, October 28, 2018

Farewell, My Huckleberry Friend

Annamaria in Japan*




Some of you know that my husband of forty-four years has been suffering from Alzheimer's disease for more than fourteen years.  Lately, the devastation has been so acute that he was robbed of all but the merest vestige of his formerly bright, witty, vibrant self.

Word came to me here in Japan, just a few days ago, that he had died peacefully in his sleep--an event anticipated, but not expected at the time.  I found myself half a world away from him.  But, truth be told, it had been many, many years since he had been a part of the world we all live in.  Arrangements were in place.  My brother was on call, just in case.


What to do?  Should I rush back to New York to deal immediately with the aftermath of this event?  I was at a loss to know.  My darling friend Susan was here with me.  She listened sympathetically while I tried to understand my own feelings.


We were in Kyoto.  Our next planned destination was a sacred mountain, a centre of peace and spiritual renewal for a millennium and a half.  It seemed clear to me that fate was sending me to a place where a person might find enlightenment.  I chose to make that journey.


With Susan as my dear and understanding, wise and knowledgeable companion, I spent the next days visiting temples and shrines.  Walking the paths of serenity and peace.

Brought up a devout Catholic, I had for many years separated myself from the religion of my youth. In Koyasan, prayer once again became natural and comforting for me. Especially in Ukunion. 

  




At the shrine within the cemetery precincts, pilgrims light candles and burn incense in memory of the departed.  As the smoke from the incense rose, a realisation came to me, that David's soul was free, returned to its pure and original state, without the scars inflicted by his miserable childhood.  Just him, his kind, sweet, and funny, energetic and curious self.

In Koyasan, there is also a shrine that Susan describes like this:
The Otake Jizo is one of the largest cast copper statues on Koyasan. The statue takes its name from Mrs. Take Yokoyama, a woman from Edo (now called Tokyo) who donated this Jizo to Koyasan in May of 1745. According to an inscription on the base of the statue, the Bodhisattva Jizo appeared to Mrs. Take in a dream while she was staying at the nearby Fudozaka-guchi nyonindo and praying for the soul of her deceased husband. Upon awaking from the dream, Mrs. Take had the idea to commission and donate a statue of Jizo to Koyasan. The Otake Jizo has remained on display at this location since that time.
Known as Kṣitigarbha in Sanskrit, Jizo is a bodhisattva—a compassionate being who attains Buddhahood but remains compassionately attached to this world for the purpose of helping other souls in need. Jizo is a protector and patron of travelers, children, and those in need, including the souls of the deceased. He is often portrayed as a Buddhist priest with a halo around his head. His left hand holds a wish-fulfilling jewel, while his right hand wields a staff with which he forces open the gates of hell to help imprisoned souls escape. 
If ever there was a place for a woman to contemplate a loss like mine, this must be it.



So my journey continues.  

Here, along with the photo at the top, are a few of my dearest images of David at his happiest.

7 September 1974



 Farewell my boon companion, my Huckleberry Friend.


* In consideration of the nature of my news, Susan has kindly offered me her slot for Sunday in addition to mine on Monday.  

44 comments:

  1. Oh, my dear friend. I am so sorry to hear that David has left us. What a gentle man he was! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Chavi

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    1. Thank you, Chavi. You knew him when he was his real self. Keep those memories in your beautiful heart. My love to you and Michael.

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  2. He will always be in our hearts. Much love to you. ��

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    1. Thank you, Jeanne. Keep your memories of him in your heart!

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  3. David has been a friend of many adventures and a great uncle to my children. A thoughtful and caring man and now a great loss. As you say his pure soul is flying free in the high skies. Much love to you my dearest friend Pat. Nico

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    1. Nicoletta, dearest. It’s a comfort to me that you and Lorenzo and Luisa will always remember their Zio Dadi.

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  4. Dear Pat, sending you all my warmest thoughts and glad that you have found some peace where you are.

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    1. Thank you, Triss. What a gift of fate to send me to that splendid mountain tops of peace and serenity.

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  5. Barbara’s and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and David, our much loved sister.

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    1. Thank you, my brother. My gratitude to you and Barbara for your precious friendship.

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  6. So hard and complicated, Annamaria. Sending comforting thoughts around the world to you.

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    1. Thank you, Marian. The hardest thing to sort out, as you understand, is how to feel. I found peace in the temples and shrines of Koyasan. What a gift, from a place I hardly knew existed.

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  7. So sorry for your loss, Annamaria. You have done all you can and now continue on your path. All my best to you.

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    1. Thank you, Jono. Yours is the same message I found in contemplating my situation in the serenity of Koyasan.

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  8. My dear Annamaria. So sorry to hear your news. I echo Marian's comments: so hard and so complicated a situation. I hope the spiritual atmosphere that surrounds you in Japan brings some kind of solace. You are in my thoughts.

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    1. Thank you, my kind and lovely friend. His soul was trapped in a body that could no longer give it expression. He is free

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  9. Sorry to hear the sad news. I have been to Japan three times, and the first time I was worried my grandmother was going to pass on while I was there. As long as you feel a connection with both your souls, you'll know you made the right choice.

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    1. Thank you, Elizabeth David believed in reincarnation. I hope whoever gets to know him in his next life gives him what he deserves. Love and kindness.

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  10. I think perhaps you were meant to be in a sacred place with a good friend to help you find peace at such a time. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

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    1. Thank you, Jeff. I feel exactly that. It’s almost as if he waited for this moment

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  11. Querida Pat, we are so sorry to hear of your loss. We are so happy that we got to know David. He is a generous and sweet man and you two were great together. You did everything you could and I believe you were exactly where you needed to be. You are in our thoughts. Abrazos

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    1. Thank you, DJ. The words of people who knew him as you did are so comforting at this moment.

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  12. AmA, I'm both sad and happy for you (there must be a word that describes that strange mixture of feelings... if not, there SHOULD be). All my best to you.

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    1. Thank you, EvKa. Grateful is the only single word that comes close for me. For the time David and I had together. For the fact that he is finally released. For the place where I was able to be for the past few days. For the splendid friend who is my companion. For the outpouring of love and sympathy. And especially for the friends I now have to help me embrace my life and live it.

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  13. Sending a hug and good thoughts. I so understand. Peace to you!

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    1. From Annamaria: thank you, Christine. Your understanding and that of all those who have experienced similar losses is such a comfort to me now.

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  14. What a sharp sting, and a beautiful, heartfelt response. Alzheimer's is such a hateful disease, a robber of everyone that surrounds it. For your boon companion to be free of it is a blessing, although a mixed one. Find peace, my friend.

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    1. You are so right, Terry. I am so relieved that he is finally free.

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  15. Pat, I am so sorry to hear about David. He was a big part of my youth, as you were. You both encouraged me with love, support and shared interests. Sending much love, Steve Klinge

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    1. Thank you so much, Steve. You were a part of our lives together, so your words are particularly precious.

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  17. I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. All my thoughts and sincere wishes to you and your family. May you always remember the good years.

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    1. Thank you, Suzanne. Keeping the good years in mind has seen me through this far.

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  18. A beautiful post. When my husband died last year (he also had Alzheimers), our oldest son was vacationing in Thailand. He wanted to rush home, but I told him there was no point. We wouldn't have a service until he got back. He and his wife hung prayer cards in a Buddhist temple and the people there were very comforting to them. It's a little bit similar.

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    1. Very similar, Kaye! I cannot imagine a place on earth that would have been better as an atmosphere of healing.

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  19. What a beautiful and touching story, Annamarie. Thank you for sharing it with us. My very best wishes for the future.

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  20. Thank you for your kind words, Donis. It’s so lovely to see you here.

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  21. So sorry that this happened. Sending sympathy to you,and so glad that you are with such a good friend in a beautiful country at this time. Nature is a wonderful healer.

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    1. From Annamaria: Thank you, Kathy. It was a gift to be in such a beautiful place with such a wonderful person to see me through these days. And to have so many kind friends sending their messages.

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  22. Oh, Annamaria, this breaks my heart. I'm sure you made the right decision. He's been released, and what matters now is how you live on, and he would want you to find a way to absorb this and put it into some kind of proportion, and it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing.

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    1. From Annamaria: Thank you so much, Tim. “Released” seems the perfect word. Because, as the years went by, it felt as if he was trapped. My sense of relief for him felt strange, perhaps wrong at first. But in Koyasan I learned to embrace it. I have a lot to rejoice about in his accomplishments and the life we lived together when he was well and we were going places, and he was making me laugh with his keen and lightning wit.

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  23. Appreciate your lives! Celebrate his life! Enjoy your life.

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  24. Pat, I'm just seeing this post via Facebook today. I'm so sorry. I have an idea what a complicated mix of feelings you're having. You miss him but you've been missing him, and at some point you just wish him peace. Sending love from San Diego.

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  25. Sending love and hugs back with you across the sea. I'm truly and deeply honored that I was able to spend this time with you, and that you found my presence comforting. Grief is a sacred, personal thing, and I will never forget our time on Koyasan. It was deeply moving, and I am so glad that you were able to pray and realize that David is at peace.

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