|Image by Gage Skidmore|
Right about now, almost every sane, rational, freethinking adult in the world is probably thinking the same one thought, 'What if Trump wins?'
I mean, I don't mean to be a writer about it and be all dramatic and stuff, but the one greatest threat facing our planet today is the very real possibility of a President Trump. It's a dangerous possibility that is as clear and present as just a few weeks away. Really, folks, it can happen. It can happen. President Trump.
Many months ago, when the Donald was no more than a comic relief side show, I hurried to share my conspiracy theory with people around me before it became the mainstream theory and I would, if I continued to share it, be by default rehashing what everyone else was saying. It was that good, that plausible a conspiracy theory. It goes like this (and I must say I came up with it independently of the million other people who came up with it):
Donald Trump will win the republican vote to run. The GOP however will decide that he is too racist, too sexist, too dangerous to associate with and they will refuse to endorse him. They'll choose the next best bad candidate and the Donald, mad as hell to be subjected to such great betrayal and unfairness and skulduggery, will announce his independent candidature, run against the GOP filler candidate and in so doing, split the republican vote and thus secure Hillary's win. Shortly after the results are announced and he tells reporters that it's a fix, and 'It's not gonna stand, folks. It's not gonna stand,' he'll use a secure line to make a call from the back of his limousine: 'Bill, we did it.'
Everybody came up with the same conspiracy theory. Everyone knew he was working for Hillary. He was friends with the Clintons, wasn't he? Everybody knew he wasn't really running for the office. But, wait, it's just him and her now, and they're both neck to neck, or so says the polls. So, were we all wrong? Was he really running to be the next President of the United States of America all along?
A new theory of mine, now old, is that he was indeed working for Hillary, but then his false campaign gained momentum and suddenly he had a real chance and he said to his old buddy, 'Look, Bill, maybe I should really be the one in the Whitehouse, you know.'
But here is my newest conspiracy theory. It's so brand new, I bet you haven't heard it before. It came to me when I watched the first TV debate between Hillary and the Donald.
Donald Trump did what he does; he lied, he bullied, he lied, he bullied some more, and he lied some more. And he denied everything. He interrupted everyone, even the cheering audience, anytime he felt the need to deny saying something that he's been recorded saying.
Then, when 'Secretary Hillary' was proposing that the reason he would not release his tax records was because he had not paid any tax in...., he interrupted her to say it was because he was smart.
Wait! What? On live TV. Presidential campaign. The Donald admitted to paying no federal income taxes, and in his weird convoluted world, that made him smart? Then, less than an hour later, reporters confronted him on the topic and, I pause not for effect but to stare at the ground and shake my head at the total lack of anything good in the man, he denied saying it! The Donald said he never said it!
And this is my new conspiracy theory:
Donald Trump IS really running for President, and Donald Trump really believes the shit he says, and Donald Trump is being 100% absolutely truthful when he denies every saying any of the shit he says, because Donald Trump has Alzheimer's.