Friday, April 8, 2016

The Wit Of Churchill


Having a full time job and having a book a year contract is largely manageable with an understanding other half, a good PA and a lot of alcohol. But if anything else comes up that needs attention, the whole edifice of being organised crumples pretty quickly.

So my Dad, ex-champion cyclist has landed in hospital. At 80 he is old but fit and well, Clyde built.
He will be fine but I have either been up at the hospital, working, sleeping, preparing for my play on Friday night....and have had  no time to blog. So here is something I have stolen.

Thank you to however I stole it from.. although I'm not sure how many of these quotes are actually Churchill's..



Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
 Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
 The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
 I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put "DOCTOR."
 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street...with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
There's a fine line between cuddling and...holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
 You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

And some more.....Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.


  1. "Thank you to however I stole it from.. although I'm not sure how many of these quotes are actually Churchill's."

    I think you meant, "...I'm not sure WHO many of these quotes..."

    Either that, or I'm not keeping up with your alcohol disposal.

    (Best wishes to your elder Scotsman!)

  2. The one about respecting one's elders struck me as particularly close to home. And speaking of all that, speeey recovery prayers to your Dad, who I know first-hand could not have a better hospital watchdog than thou. Break a leg tonight.

  3. All the best to your father, Caro. I am sure that your being there is helping: your being watchful AND the comfort of having you nearby.

    My favourite Churchill witticisms:

    To a heckler at a party: I may, as you say, be drunk, but you are in imbecile. And in the morning I'll be sober.

    In bookstore, to a man who chided him for writing a sentence that ended with a preposition: That, sir, is a criticism up with which I will not put.

    1. Oh, and by the way, I see a mistake in that diagram at the top. I think the arrow for the 5% Tunnock's Teacake is pointing at the wrong part of the anatomy.

  4. Love this list, Caro. My personal favourite of witticisms attributed to Churchill came from a time he was at a country house party, staggering around in the middle of the night, in a state of some undress, looking for a bathroom. He happened across an elderly matron in the corridor who looked at him askance and said, "Winston! What is that sticking out of your pyjamas?" To which he replied, "Madam, you flatter yourself. It is *hanging* out."

    1. Oh, and please do pass on my best wishes to your father!