It's a little hard to read but here's a recap:
poisoned by artisanal brioche, run over by self-driving car, organic, locally sourced cyanide, exploding e-cigarette, strangled with smart-phone charger cable, bludgeoned with sustainable firewood, scorpion hidden in Uggs, pushed off cliff while Instagramming.
While my books are set in Paris in the 1990's I can definitely adapt several of these methods in an organic sustainable way. It reminds me of MacGuyver who was way ahead of all this using simple and at hand items for saving the world. MacGuyver would prevent an explosion etc by manipulating household items, remember? Even in France these items are easily obtainable at the quincaillerie, the hardware store or at the supermarket Franprix. Ingenious, sustainable and organic. Crooks, the smart and successful crooks, I was told by a French flic, keep it simple.
Here's two plots from the first season of MacGuyver:
-MacGyver shorts out a missile timer with a bent paper clip causing the timer to stop, thus keeping the missile from detonating.
-MacGyver plugs a sulfuric acid leak with chocolate. He states that chocolate contains sucrose and glucose. The acid reacts with the sugars to form elemental carbon and a thick gummy residue (proved to be correct on Mythbusters). I can definitely do this with one of Patrick Roger's chocolate pencils, or his chocolate gorilla - he sculpts with chocolate.