Saturday, May 4, 2013

The Kardashians Are Coming!



You’d think that with this being my first post since arriving back on Mykonos I could come up with a catchier title.  But if you have to ask why that title you’re obviously not keeping up with our world’s major news events.  For weeks now my inbox has been filled with Google Alerts for “Mykonos” linked to a public relations blitzkrieg hyping the “secret” invasion and occupation of Mykonos by the Kardashian Klan for the purpose of filming this season’s opening episode of their addictive (so I hear) American TV show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians.


It appears that momma Kris and her Kardashian brood—Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kyle, Kendall, and Rob (now deceased first husband Robert’s contribution to the naming process)—plus kids from the first marriage of her kurrent husband, 1976 Olympic Decathlon champion Bruce Jenner, all kame to Mykonos as part of the last big breakout before very pregnant daughter Kim has her baby next month.

If you believed even a bit of all the press hype, the Kardashians had come to save the island, bringing their celebrity and cash to a struggling land somehow overlooked by CARE. I’d reluctantly left the US in its time of crisis—the seventeen-year cicada onslaught—but now would stand shoulder to shoulder with my Mykonian brethren in facing their own.


Thanks to my friend, Nick Desavvi, for the photos

But I’d forgotten something: Mykonians were used to invaders.  Carians, Egyptians, Phoenicians, Minoans, Ionians, Athenians, Macedonians, Romans, Venetians, Turks, Russians, and Germans all dominated Mykonos at some point.  So, more “ians” invading was no big deal.
  
The Mayor of Mykonos in the middle

The mayor courteously welcomed them to the island, the people smiled and made them feel important, the weather and sea accommodated them.  No one told them that the two villas they’d obtained were only five hundred yards from the municipal sewage treatment plant and three houses away from the scene of the murder that inspired the opening of my new book (more on that later), that breaking plates in restaurants was déclassé, or that they'd arrived a month too early for the island's fabled nightlife action.  The Mykonian people allowed them to enjoy their holiday and live out their fantasy—even one as big as saving an island.


The Mykonians behaved precisely as they do with all visitors: as the most hospitable people on earth.  And the Kardashians will undoubtedly return, albeit truly in secret (as some of their crew has before).

Frankly, it’s easy to take cheap shots at the Kardashian phenomenon.  After all, the most celebrated accomplishments of the family before the launch of their reality show were daughter Kim’s time as a stylist and personal shopper for Lindsay Lohan (an unreal living reality in her own right) and her leaked homemade sex video with rapper Ray J, though she’s since had a 72-day marriage to NBA player Kris Humphries and is currently pregnant at the hands of her ex(?)-boyfriend, rapper Kanye West. 

BUT, let’s keep something in mind: These folks are PR geniuses.  And I admire them for that. Their show alone has brought them more than a hundred million dollars and they’ve branched into fashion and cosmetics. And in connection with that leaked video, Kim received a reported five million dollar settlement.  By the way, Kim has more than 8,000,000 twitter followers. Yes, EIGHT MILLION. 


Which reminds me.  In case you’re reading this, Kim, I’d sincerely appreciate it if you could tweet to your followers that Poisoned Pen Press just surprised me by putting my first Andreas Kaldis mystery, MURDER IN MYKONOS, on sale this week in e-book format for $0.99 on Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Kobu, PLUS they’re rolling out a brand new cover design for my entire series. The new covers are not yet up on bookseller sites, but it’s a variation on the cover for my new book in the series (#5), MYKONOS AFTER MIDNIGHT, coming in September. What do you think of the cover, Kim? I love it for one very obvious Kardashian-like reason☺.  One’s never too old to learn from the masters.


By the way, tomorrow is Greek Orthodox Easter, a wonderful time that I’ve written about before.  It represents all the very best of Greek family life and values.  And the Kardashians have left the island for Santorini.

Kalo Paska, my friends.         

Jeff—Saturday

18 comments:

  1. I kan't stand any more of this Kardashian krap! But thanks for setting the record straight. May I add to the rumors, one substantiated by a friend with reliable track record, that when this klan arrived on Santorini earlier this week on the 100 meter yacht kindly loaned to them by a member of a well known jewellery designer, they took every monogrammed towel and bathrobe in sight. Such nice people, and since they seem to be so poor, probably didn't have any towels back home in their Beverly Hills row house! Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

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    1. Dear Anonymous, I thank you for showing the discretion not to repeat some of the other rumors I'm certain you've heard in recent days on Mykonos...both of and beyond the Kardashians:)

      Kalo Paska, J.

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  2. Jeff, you have robbed me of my most exclusive distinction. Until I read this post, I was the only person on the planet who did not know what a Kardashian was. Oh, I had heard the name and surmised from the context that it was connected with a trashy person having something to do with television, which I never watch. I knew the person spoken of was female, but I had had no idea there was more than one of them. Now that I know all about them, I am seriously displeased. I would wish you Kalo Paska, but not before I receive an apology.

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    1. To be honest, Annamaria my love, I'm still not sure what one is. I just report the news as it's "created." But I'm deeply sorry for robbing you of your innocence---no matter how much fun the experience:).

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  3. I have a bone to pick with you, Jeffrey! [finger wagging in face] You've denigrated, deprecated, defiled and otherwise all-but-defecated upon a fine, fine, FINE letter: 'K'. I take umbrage. I take aspirin. I take a nap.

    Oh. And that's WAY too much for Kim to tweet. Even assuming she can read and can operate a keyboard or touchscreen (I think all of her tweets are actually ghost-written by a one-eyed, one-legged, once-witted ex-pat living in the Mediterranean), you've got to be BRIEF, man! 142 characters. WAY too many characters. I'd think you'd know better. Being a novelist. And all that. You lost me at "The Kardashians..." I REFUSE to read, hear or speak that name. Ever. I didn't even read your article. Pure clap-trap. I'm sure. I mean, I'd think so. If I'd read it. Which I didn't. White trash pablum. Worthless.

    EIGHT million, you say? Whoa. We're in WAY bigger trouble than I thought... Maybe I need to find a nice tropical island to move to?

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    1. Mr. KKKKKKK, it doesn't matter if you didn't read it, because I didn't write it! My keyboard was possessed by a passing dybbuk from Pasadena.

      142 characters is an accurate number if we're talking about the total characters in the, uhh--two letters before M-- ardashian entourage, and I seriously thought of doing that little bit of BSP in my post along the lines of a proper tweet going something like this :#Kim #Kardashian klaims K-klan kompletely krazy 4 killer kouple kaptivating #Kyklades #Kindles: MURDER IN MYKONOS AND #MYKONOS AFTER MIDNIGHT."

      But having brought what I already had upon an innocent world, I simply couldn't bring myself to take things any further...unless of course I thought she might actually tweet it.

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    2. ackKKKKK... STOP! You're kompletely and kruelly killing me!!!!!

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  4. I loved it! Although I still find myself wondering what a Kardashian is. They are fame for being famous, I see, and they do spend a lot of money, which is good. But stealing towels? How declassee. By the way, you might try a post using a lot of M's. I'm looking forward to Mykonos After Midnight. Enjoy your time. It is good to hear you from Mykonos.

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  5. My pleasure, Lil, glad to be back here too! On the spending side of the Kardashian equation, rumor has it that it wasn't all that much. It's said they were comped for much of what they did...in exchange for publicity on their show. But who knows. Better yet, who cares?

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    1. You will care when eight million of the l<ardashians' sincere admirers descend on Myl<anos, wall< around lool<ing trashy and make off everything that isn't tied down. Oh, and by the way, l<alo Pasl<a, now that I have gotten my apology. Typed carefully not to further offend Everett an anyone else whose name begins with l<, which ordinarily inklude me. Ooops!

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  6. Dear Jeff thanks for the update on the lovely island. Kalo Pascha, and kali anastasi. The winds have already blown (away) whatever Kim missed, one trusts. Am so sure that Mykonos can survive even more. Let me guess, it was a well known jeweler with a K?

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    1. Kalo Paska to you, too, Giannis. You're very welcome and, yes, the K-crew is but a distant memory except perhaps to that monogram pilfered jeweler, K or otherwise:)

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  7. WHY WHY WHY MYKONOS??? WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GO TO RHODES OR SANTORINI ONLY, WHY CORRUPT THE BEST ISLAND IN THE SEA???? Mykonos has been my best kept secret for close to 20 years, now everyone will know about it, YUK YUK YUK
    thanks Kimye

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  8. p.S. LOVED
    Murder in Mykonos, picked it up last year!

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    1. Thanks, Kimye Anonymous, for your kind words about MIM. I think our island might still have the chance of receding back into the mist if the recent experience of two Greek friends of mine visiting Austin, Texas is any measure. The two were in a taxi talking to each other n Greek when the driver asked where they were from. They said, "Greece," and the driver said, "Isn't that up by Alaska?" They couldn't wait to get back here to tell this American that tale.

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